Corrie Corner – 9th September 2012

(You can hear me talking Soaps 11.30-12.00 am every Thursday, from 4.00-5.00 pm Fridays on Swindon 105.5 FM CLICK HERE TO LISTEN and on my internet Soap Show 6.00-6.30 every Wednesday on Tellyspy CLICK HERE TO LISTEN).

 Interfering mothers; frustrated mothers, a new mother and a proud father. Enjoy the moment Ty …

Glorious Gloria hit the ground running, and it already feels as if she’d been here forever. She certainly behaved as if she had: she was almost running the Rovers by the end of the week! A brilliant new comedy character to make us laugh, and you’d have to be Posh Spice not to at least have raised a smile at some of her first week corkers.

“You’d need a search party to find the booze in this,” she commented on the G&T Stella poured her, and Sunita got both barrels too. “So it’s you who made my little girl cry? Hardly worth the hankie,” she sniffed as she breezed past her to get to Karl.

Gloria clearly thought it was her job to get the pair of them back together. “A relationship isn’t just ‘time-served’, it’s hard graft. Even harder for a woman of your age and bust size,” (tell me about it!) she reminded Stella.

Rat eyes for that dirty rat Karl

I hope they don’t get back together, but I suppose they’ll have to or what will happen to Karl? It’s been a great week for Stella’s ‘rat eyes’ though – something I’m always glad to see!

Like many people, I wasn’t happy when Michelle Collins came into Corrie because of that awful, unconvincing accent, but since she nailed it she’s totally grown into the role and I really look forward to every scene she’s in now.

Stella’s going to have her hands full with her mother, and Michelle’s got her hands full with an unwanted guest of her own as Tracy’s plan to get Steve back moved up a gear this week.

‘That’s the way to do it’!

It was like a Punch and Judy show in that kebab shop, with first Ryan and then Tracy popping up from behind the counter, and I laughed out loud when Michelle stuck her elbow out in Tracy’s direction as she sat on the settee with Ryan.

Her and Steve’s ‘cockney chorus’ was so funny – as was Michelle trying to bore the pair to death: “He’s married to Sarah Jessica Parker. Three kids. A boy and two girls … Marion, one of them … I think, anyway,” she rambled irritatingly as they tried to watch their DVD.

“Oh well, keep me posted,” Tracy replied nonchalantly. Great stuff!

Curse-ty’s a leopard that’ll never change its spots

There was a tiny moment when I felt myself strangely warming to Curse-ty this week (as she and Tyrone ate breakfast together), but – boy – it wasn’t long before I came to my senses as she turned the screws on Tina then played the doe-eyed little innocent to a captive audience in the Rovers.

She milked that push like Didier Drogba. “My waters have broken. This baby’s coming,” she cried theatrically. I’m no expert on childbirth, but that one popped out remarkably quickly.

“Break my fingers if you need to,” she told Tyrone. No, that’s your job, love.

It was heartbreaking to see him talking to the baby in the hospital. “It’s like you’ve mended everything,” he told the little mite.

It would be completely unbelievable if that WERE to be the case (as if becoming a mum would suddenly turn Curse-ty into Mother Teresa). As people tend to eventually get their ‘just desserts’ in Soaps, I think Curse-ty will probably get hers at some point, but not before she’s gone on to hurt poor Tyrone a lot more first …

A bit of Appropriate/Inappropriate Music in the Background I could actually identify this week. The line ‘We’re just one big family’ from Jason Mraz’s ‘I’m Yours’ was clearly heard in the background as Tracy, Ryan, Steve and Michelle were having their meals in the flat, and what a GLORious week of comedy it’s been, with lots of Grins of the Week:

Gloria: “Is it all ‘Shipshape and Bristol fashion’?”

Tina: “It’s clean and tidy, if that’s what you mean.”

Sunita: “Have you seen Karl?”

Stella: “Why? Have you lost him?”

Gloria: “Keep the change.”

Taxi Driver: “There isn’t any.”

Gloria: “Well, don’t blame me, blame the Euro.”

Gloria: “Fifteen minutes he’s been nursing that shandy.”

Stella: “He’s the local Headmaster. What would you rather: him be paralytic and falling over?”

Tina (about Tommy): “He’s working two jobs.”

His boss: “Well, he’s got one less to worry about now.”

Tommy: “Is the baby alright?”

Tina: “Apart from having that monster as a mother, yeah.”

Michelle: “You’re quite pally with Tracy aren’t you?”

Beth: “Yeah, we get on ok.”

Michelle: “Only … mmm. I’ve heard she doesn’t like people talking her behind her back. You know – with her being a murderer and that?”


* Chesney clunked Joseph’s pushchair that hard down the curb it’s a wonder his tooth didn’t rattle.

* What’s Cilla doing in Johannesburg, and how on earth did she manage to bag a bloke minted enough to pay for them to all go out there for Christmas? Did he send the money for that huge takeaway Ches had got for himself and Katy too? Surely they can’t afford takeaways on their income (and he always orders too much, apparently)?

* Why was Ken complaining about the commotion? When Gloria was first knocking on the Rovers’ door she was only using the flat of her hand.

* Jason said that Tommy and Tina would have to be out by the end of the month. What about surveys and solicitors etc? Surely it’d take longer than that?

* Eva’s gone to Dubai for a holiday? On her salary? She’s single. Even a week in Costa del Crap costs you an arm and a leg because of all the single supplements, so how on earth could she possibly afford Dubai?

* Lucky there just happened to be a pink blanket on hand to wrap the baby in. (Gloria said it was a flannelette sheet, but it didn’t look much like a sheet to me: far too small.)


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