Corrie Corner – 30th September 2012

(You can hear me talking Soaps 10.45-11.15 am every Thursday, from 4.00-5.00 pm Fridays on Swindon 105.5 FM CLICK HERE TO LISTEN and on my internet Soap Show 6.00-6.30 every Wednesday on Tellyspy CLICK HERE TO LISTEN).

 Michelle gets ‘catty’; Kirk pays a doggy compliment; there’s confusion over a condiment and Gail’s just plain condescending!

What’s endearing about Kirk is his Kirky way of saying things. “She’s a proper little cutie. Looks nowt like you mate,” he announced to Tyrone cheerfully.

“Cheers (!)” a bemused Ty responded.

If that had come from anyone else you’d have been really offended, but Kirk meant it as a compliment, just like he did with his comment to Beth: “You smell better than a pie. Even better than the top of a dog’s head.”

“Aww, thanks babe,” she sighed delightedly!

Corrie curler catfight!

I’d have expected to see a bit more of  ‘love’s young dream’ this week (with them only getting together at the end of last week), but ‘love’s old nightmare’ filled the gap nicely, as Tracy’s liaison with Ryan pushed Michelle to the limit.

HOW much fun was that curler catfight, and how nice was it to see Kylie back too? The one-liners came thick and fast.

Tracy: “He’s dead mature.”

Kylie: “He’d have to be. Even Madonna would find your age gap weird.”

Tracy: “I might be a few years older than Ryan– “

Michelle: “What are you counting in, dog years?”

Tracy’s been in heaven winding Michelle up, and one of my favourite lines this week was when she reminded Michelle that Steve had once gone on a date with a transvestite. “Lots of men have a ‘type’,” she remarked pointedly (looking Michelle up and down)!

Michelle finally snapped and Ryan headed straight across the road to move in with Tracy, but it came as no surprise to anyone (except him) that she had him out of that house faster than you can say ‘stuffed marrow’, so he finally ended up at the Webster’s.

Like I said last week: it’s funny how whenever a Soap character’s about to be homeless they always end up somewhere within a ten-metre radius, and what will happen to Lloyd now he’s got a new family? Will he end up getting together with Mandy and will the three of them end up on the Street? If so, where? That’ll be a challenge, as I can’t think of anywhere free right now!

Cabbage conundrum

Lloyd bonded with Jenna in the Bistro, even though he nearly blew it by pretending to be all posh, like. Gail (very unprofessionally – if that had been in ‘real’ life!) exclaimed in amazement, “The wine list? You want to see the wine list?” and it wasn’t long before they’d de-camped to the Rovers, where Jenna asked Gloria whether the hotpot came with red cabbage.

“Is the Pope a Catholic?” Gloria gasped incredulously.

Er, in all my years of Corrie-watching, I’ve only ever seen hotpot served in a little pot with a lid on or in an oval earthenware bowl and never – as here – with a side of pickled red cabbage  (a staple and traditional treat ‘oop north’, in case you’re not acquainted with this delicious treat).

My grandma used to make her own and I still eat it even now. It’s a great accompaniment to warming winter meals. (A little handy cooking tip there!)

Another ‘defective’ detective

Ruby’s grandma Alison turned up this week and it wasn’t long before her policeman grandad followed in hot pursuit (doesn’t he look like Brookside’s Sinbad?).

He’s not much of a detective. After barging-in and demanding to know if his wife was there, he opened the door to the front room and looked in but failed to spot all her stuff (including the bed that Tyrone had brought down for her), OR that she was standing in the yard outside!

A bullying wife-beater hardly shows the police force in a good light either, does it? There was a moment where I almost felt sorry for Curse-ty as she tried to beg her mother not to go back (knowing what she was going back TO), and screamed at her dad that he was an “Evil bully”, but not five minutes later, there she was proving that she was her father’s daughter by getting all rattled and throwing Ruby’s rattle at Tyrone’s head.

Will ‘Curse-ty’ get what’s coming to her?

It’s a pity it didn’t hit him; it might have knocked some sense into him and then he could have just picked the baby up and gone to Fiz’s. HOW good are those two together? They make such a lovely couple, and Fiz was so genuinely concerned (great acting from her) that I really hope they’ll end up together one day, as surely his relationship with Curse-ty can’t seriously continue for much longer now?

I feel it would be a disservice to real victims of domestic abuse to let this pair live ‘happily ever after’, and – morally – we need to see Curse-ty punished at some point otherwise it gives the message that it’s ok – which it NEVER is.

Ooh, got a bit serious there. Let’s have our Grins of the Week, quickly!

Gloria: “I had you barred Norris, not tarred and feathered.”

Michelle: “I’m skint.”

Tracy: “Oh, I’m not surprised. You must spend a fortune on make-up.”

Michelle (to Ryan): “You’re in that fridge so much it’s a wonder you’ve not got a tan off the light.”

Dennis: “I remember this lad where I used to work–”

Norris (cutting-in): “You’ve got a good memory.” (Still laughing as I write this!)

Tracy: Ryan is dead good with Amy.”

Kylie: “Nice that one of you is.”

Michelle: “I’m surprised she recognised you.”

Gloria: “I couldn’t apologise. The words would choke me.”

Stella: “If you don’t apologise, I’ll choke you.”

There was a bit of Appropriate/Inappropriate Music in the Background as we heard the line ‘I just can’t believe a word you’re–’ clearly playing out behind Tryone as he was telling Curse-ty he didn’t trust her, and the song ‘Le Freak’ was playing as Tyrone told Fiz about Curse-ty.


* Wouldn’t the ‘Pub of the Year’ judges be able to see that the voting box had been forced open, and how would Gloria have managed to lock it again?

* I loved Michelle’s line to Tracy, “Get ‘aaht of my flat!” Homage to Peggy Mitchell there?

* Curse-ty told her mum that Ruby loved her. How does she know? She’s only spent two days with her.

* Michelle’s doing a good ‘Catwoman’ impression here!

* Alison’s line to Curse-ty: ‘You’re going to be a brilliant mum’ SO reminded me of how Sue Johnston (as Barbara in The Royle Family) used to say almost the same thing to Denise!

* Deirdre’s pleased Ken’s got his new Governor’s job as it’ll ‘Keep him out of mischief’. Er, placing him in mischief’s way, more like. You know what an old dog he is, and Wendy IS a widow …

‘Inside Soap’ Awards

As Corrie won barely the equivalent of ‘Best lampshade’ this week, I’ve been thinking of some other ‘hardly worth turning up for’ Awards on my Queen Vic Corner post. Fancy joining me and coming up with a few of your own?


Got a comment? Why not either add one on here or tweet me before Wednesday afternoon so that I can talk about it on my new ‘Jane’s Soapy Corner’ show on Tellyspy at 6.00 on Wednesday night? I’d really love some comments or questions to be able to discuss live online this week. Thanks!

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