(You can hear me talking Soaps 10.45-11.15 am every Thursday, from 4.00-5.00 pm Fridays on Swindon 105.5 FM CLICK HERE TO LISTEN and on my internet Soap Show 6.00-6.30 every Wednesday on Tellyspy CLICK HERE TO LISTEN).
It’s Halloween! Kevin’s a werewolf; Gloria’s a pumpkin, Tracy’s a witch and it’s turning into a nightmare for Ryan and Sophie.
Ooh, that Tracy. Just when you think she can’t sink any lower she does! “She’s only with him because Michelle-baiting is her favourite sport,” Steve told Lloyd, and it’s true. Once she thought she’d split him and Michelle up for good she had no use for Ryan any more, and the ‘baby’ suddenly disappeared too – along with her charm.
Ah, poor Ryan
After being put up to it by Steve, Ryan got down on one knee and proposed. Did she say yes? No, of course she didn’t! If he’d announced that he’d just won the lottery it would have been a whole different story, but he’d served his purpose and Tracy wasted no time in humiliating the poor lad in front of the whole pub.
“If I didn’t let him down, someone else would,” she told Ken and Deirdre in typical ‘Tracy’ fashion. She’s brazen, I’ll give her that.
It backfired on her though – after Steve managed to talk Michelle round by reminding her that if they didn’t get back together then Tracy would have ‘won’.
“If you’re asking me if I’m relieved that he’s finished with that conniving little bitch, then yes, I am,” Michelle admitted, and – for a moment – things felt to be finally settling down for our Michelle.
Oh, bad Ryan!
It was hardly likely to last though was it, and not five minutes later Ryan was ‘playing chicken’ on a dual-carriageway, but it was Sophie who got stuffed. Stopping in the middle of the road when there’s a car coming’s not a good idea, Sophie love. Make a note of that for next time, ok?
It’s been a couple of weeks since anyone’s been in hospital, and Kevin (who looks to be morphing into a werewolf) ran in and growled at the doctor, “I need to see her. I need to know she’s ok.”
She clearly wasn’t ok, but Kevin then continued with, “Where’s me daughter?”
“She’s being looked after,” the doctor replied (which felt like another strange comment to make).
“So where is she?” Kevin asked. Surely that was the moment to ask if he could see her, not where she was? It’s irrelevant where she was.
I wasn’t convinced by that bit of writing. If you’d run into a hospital having just found out that one of your relatives had been in an accident would you say any of that? Wouldn’t you be more likely to cry, “What happened? Where is she? Is she ok? Can I see her?”
Just a little niggle there, and another little niggle this week is Mary’s feeme nights.
Roy might go bust after Mary’s Greek night
Much as I’ve enjoyed Mary’s comic capers in the cafe I have to ask: how much were people paying for their dinners, and where were the likes of Beth getting the cash to eat there night after night?
Mary said that takings had gone through the roof, but the cost alone of doing the place up for each of those theme nights would have wiped out any profits she’d made.
Did you SEE that Greek night? White linen tablecloths; Greek busts; urns; grape vines, fairy lights, extra tables and chairs and even the additional wine glasses/crockery etc: where did it all come from, and how much must it all have cost?
I know it’s only a Soap, but as I’m constantly criticising EastEnders for its lack of realism I can’t not mention this, can I? There is no way that one person would have been able to achieve all that. The cooking itself would have taken a whole day – let-alone the shopping, dressing the rooms (and herself), then serving it all up – and more-or-less single-handedly.
What about the washing up and clearing up too? How on earth could you possibly do all that and clear all those artefacts out of the way (to where?) in time to open up as normal the next morning?
“I’m channelling Fred. I say, I’m channelling Fred.”
It’s been a long time since we’ve had a Bad Acting from a Bit-Part Actor Award, but that that ‘Alcohol Enforcement Officer’ was one of the worst I have ever seen. I suspect he was modelling himself on our much-missed Fred Elliot, but even the very poorest of local Amateur Dramatic productions could have produced better acting than that. Truly jaw-dropping.
Poor old Roy. Everyone arrives back sooner than expected in Soapland, and he walked in to a Greek tragedy and will be the one held responsible for it all.
BYO is perfectly acceptable in cafes etc at nights so I wondered why there was such a fuss, but when I looked it up I discovered that – apparently – somebody actually has to have a licence in order to allow alcohol on the premises, which Roy clearly didn’t. What a homecoming present!
Is Lewis about to get caught in Gloria’s web?
Halloween’s coming, but it’s not just Tracy playing tricks at the moment. Gloria’s setting a honeytrap for Lewis, but have I missed something? I saw a tweet with a link to a spoiler site which said that ‘Audrey was on board’ with Gloria’s scheme, but the first thing I recall seeing was Gloria telling Lewis about it after Doctor Carter’s visit, so when did she and Audrey cook this one up?
Lewis is very suave and distinguished – quite James Bond-like – and not quite the sort you’d expect to find behind the bar at the Rovers Return, but I guess they had to get him into Gloria’s spider’s web somehow?
“He’s more double cross than 007,” David quipped.
“He comes highly recommended by your grandson. Not him, the nice one,” Gloria told Audrey (giving David one of Stella’s ‘rat eyes’)!
I can understand Audrey wanting to test Lewis after what happened with Penny, but I hope he passes with flying colours as I think they’re really sweet.
Steve’s gurns could have filled a page by themselves, but there’s plenty more Grins of the Week:
Ken (about Eccles): “I’m sure she does it on purpose sometimes, just to make me suffer.”
Deirdre: “She’s a dog.”
Ken: “Yes … your mother’s.”
Emily: “Living with Norris, it’s a wonder I don’t have sherry on my cornflakes.”
Deirdre (to Ken): “I used to blow smoke rings – some as big as your head … well, not your head.”
David (about Lewis): “He’s a conman.”
Lewis: “Reformed.”
Marcus (about Jason): “What’s up with him: lost his favourite hammer?”
Deirdre (to Tracy): “Ken wouldn’t notice if I painted my head pink, never mind my toenails.”
PS
* If Lewis finished work at 5.00 and Audrey had booked the table for 8.00 then surely three hours would have been more than enough time to have talked to Gloria? She’d only said she wanted a chat.
* Mary “I feel Greece beckoning me tonight.” Well, it IS a greasy spoon!
* “All big shots are small shots who kept shooting,” Ryan said. That’s a really good mantra, isn’t it?
* How creepy was that nurse who gave Kevin that Pound coin? She drew it slowly from her pocket and told him solemnly, “Just take it.” Crikey. You’d have thought she was offering him one of her kidneys.
* Gloria won’t need any makeup on Halloween night. That orange face is positively pumpkin-coloured!
* Will Rosie rush back to visit Sophie in hospital? No; thought not.
* Where was baby Jack when Kevin was firstly in the Rovers and then at the hospital?
CLICK HERE TO GO TO THE CORONATION STREET HOMEPAGE
Got a comment on anything I’ve talked about this week? Tell me what YOU think in a comment below; tweet me before Wednesday afternoon or call in to ‘Jane’s Soapy Corner’ live on Tellyspy between 6.00-6.30 on Wednesday night so that I can put your points across to my listener on the show online!
I’m so glad you commented on Mary’s theme nights. I too was wondering how she could manage such a feat, night after night. Not weekly, or monthly, but every night? Or did I mishear?
The rented costumes, the decorations, the food — impossible to do on one’s own.
That reminds me though, it seems the locals eat out all the time. Breakfast, lunch and dinner. There’s the Cafe, the Pub and Nick’s place. I realize the writers need to get the characters out of the house in order to interact, but where do the residents get the money for such frivolousness?
Love your blog!
It’s hard, isn’t it. If they all stayed in and ate – like normal people – it wouldn’t be much of a show, but they do all seem to have a lot of money to spend on food/drink. Wish I did! Thanks for your kind comment about the blog.