After Sylvia locking Norris up last week, we’ve got the ‘Crazy Gang’ at it this week. The rate it’s going, I’ll need to re-name this post Kidnap Corner.
When I heard about the kidnapping plot my heart sank. These things are usually just ‘padding’, but Tommy and Tyrone’s bungling (they’re turning into quite a double-act, aren’t they?), was not only funny, but believable.
Tommy: “We don’t want any trouble.”
Leon (with his hand round Tommy’s throat): “This is no trouble.”
Tommy: “We can just walk away.”
Leon: “Walk? You’re an optimist, aren’t you?”
After Kirk had clunked him and locked him in the fridge, the hapless trio ran out of ideas, but reckoned ex-soldier Gary would be their secret weapon.
Ty: “If you had a go at him, I bet he’d be bricking it – especially if he knew about Afghanistan.”
Gary” “… I was there for three minutes till I got injured.”
Things went from bad to worse, so they went to the Rover’s to try and work out how to warn him off:
Tommy: “He didn’t seem very frightened before.”
Ty: “You suprised? Him giving him sandwiches; him having a panic attack. It’s hardly Reservoir Dogs, is it?” (Funny how Kirk just happened to have a sandwich for each of them in his lunchbox in the back of the van.)
What they needed was a bit of lateral thinking. Right next door was Sylvia. That woman’s enough to scare the giblets out of anyone, and a few sharp words from her would have sent him packing for sure!
She had a few words for Anna when she thought saw the text (supposedly from Owen, but courtesy of ‘Fay-te worse than death’), saying ‘Gone of you.’
Sylvia: “Oh, I think he means ‘Gone off you’. Well, with spelling like that, I think you’ve had a close shave.”
Poor Owen didn’t have a clue what was going on. “Are you on drugs?” he asked Anna incredulously as he saw her getting on the bus when she was supposed to be going on their date. Did you see their matching checked shirts? There’s a sign they’re compatible if ever I saw one! Anna shouldn’t let Faye run the show like she does though. Fancy telling him she couldn’t go out with him as she needed to concentrate on Faye. Daft bat.
What great comedy writing in the showdown outside Gail’s. Sylvia and Norris’s interjections were so funny, and the wonderful Kylie was hilarious as she turned on her Mother-In-Law yet-again. I could just write the whole thing down for you, but will have to settle for:
Kylie (to Gail): “Drop dead.”
Gail: “Oh, you’d like that wouldn’t you?”
(The bit where Nick grabbed Gail by the arm and dragged her away as she was about to ‘land one’ on Sylvia was hilarious!)
Things looked to be getting better for Becky this week, and she was all dressed-up for an interview. Roy approved of her outfit. “Highly appropriate, and very fetching – if I may say so.”
Becky: ” Steady on Royston. That’s a bit steamy for you, in’t it love?”
She managed to keep her temper in check, and – amazingly – got the job. It just hinged on Roy giving her a reference.
Roy: “When he calls, I’m quite happy to extol your virtues.”
Sylvia: “That should be a short call …” (Oh joy. Wish I’d written that!)
Unfortunately, she’d ‘bigged-up’ her role at the cafe, and Roy couldn’t bring himself to lie about it, so she lost the job. Poor Becky. I’d thought she’d have ‘gone off’ on one, but but – bless her – she didn’t blame Roy, which was very sweet. Kylie had lost her job too, so decided she’d go Self-Employed. David encouraged her. “Focus on what you’re good at.”
Kylie: “Getting wasted and making enemies?”
She soon got into it though. “I could go on a course. If gormless Maria can do it, how hard can it be?” she pointed out logically, although I’m not sure about that name: Kylie’s Cuticles. Makes me feel quite bilious!
For all Kylie’s brilliant comic timing, she can also play it ‘straight’ too, and how moving was the scene where she opened her heart to Gail and Audrey about just wanting to make something of her life?
I’ve mentioned how Corrie’s been getting-in on EastEnders’ ‘Inappropriate/Appropriate Music playing in the background’ trick, and there were two classics this week:
Audrey talking to Gail about Marc/Marcia in the kitchen: ‘They don’t know’ by Kirsty MacCall was playing as Audrey spoke regretfully about it. Talk about ‘meaningful’ words? “When they look at you they don’t see what I see/Why should it matter to us if they don’t approve?” Ooh, spooky!
Carla and Leanne’s emotional declaration of renewed friendship/best wishes for each other in the Rover’s was played-out to a backdrop of Adele’s ‘Someone Like You’. “I want nothing but the best for yo-ooou,” sang-out exactly in the tiny gap between their lines. Coincidence? I think not. Let’s listen-out next week and see what they’ve got for us!
And now it’s time for my Grins of the week:
Norris (about David & Kylie): “True love? True crime more like.”
Kylie: “Any relation?”
Eve: “Nick is going to fire me.”
Gail: “I’d fireball this house if it wasn’t mine.”
Frank: “I thought we could go back and have another look at the house?”
Carla: “Oh, give it a rest. We’re not Kirsty and Phil.”
Worst ‘Drinking from an empty mug of tea’ impression this week Goes to Anna in her kitchen in Monday’s Episode. Big gulp; no swallow!
PS It was a lovely, bright sunny day, so why was it raining and thundering when David was stood outside the house?
PPS The that first scene of the week with Chris in his beanie/jumper, I thought at first glance that it was David Beckham!
PPPS Tina: “A certain Doctor knows where my funny bone is – and certain other places. Ugh, too much information!
Ha ha. The funniest thing. Eamonn Holmes was interviewing Michelle Collins on Friday’s This Morning about being run over by a car next week. He came up with the best plotline we could ever wish for: that Stella wakes up from the coma with a London accent.
How wonderful would that be? God, I wish! She said it had all “Settled down now.” I think there’s plenty who’d disagree with that …
I knew I knew that Social Worker Miriam. It’s the funny and talented Debbie Chazen from one of my old-favourite comedy shows: Tittybangbang (among other things).