Corrie Corner – 21st October 2012

(You can hear me talking Soaps 10.45-11.15 am every Thursday, from 4.00-5.00 pm Fridays on Swindon 105.5 FM CLICK HERE TO LISTEN and on my internet Soap Show 6.00-6.30 every Wednesday on Tellyspy CLICK HERE TO LISTEN).

Misguided mothers; mothers-NOT-to-be; a ‘mother and child reunion’ and a not-so happy reunion for Lewis. 

What did I say last week? That Nick should offer Kylie a job at the Bistro, and – sure enough – he did that exact thing on Monday!

Kylie does ‘scrub up well’ doesn’t she, but – luckily for us – she’s still got a wicked tongue, although she did feel some sympathy for Audrey.

“Shame really. Conmen, trannies … she doesn’t have much luck,” she observed.

She can’t half pick ’em

Poor Audrey. She doesn’t have much luck, and ill-advised as it was for her to ‘buy’ Penny off, you could sort of understand how she felt it was a small price to pay to get Lewis off the hook and clear the way for a happy future together, but what a great twist for Gail to have smelled a rat and suggest that it was all some big con.

When you think about it, it DID all seem a bit convenient for Lewis to have gone AWOL and then for some random woman to just roll up in Weatherfield claiming to have been another of his victims. I reckon Gail might be right.

Trouble is, if Gail’s right then poor Audrey will be devastated, and in any case; how can she ever really feel she could truly trust Lewis again after this? There’d always be that tiny little nagging doubt in the back of her mind, surely?

No doubt about Tracy; she’s a big fat liar

As for doubts: I said last week that surely even Tracy wouldn’t lie about being pregnant, but this is Tracy we’re talking about and she DID indeed lie. Does that woman have NO shame?

“I can’t have my unborn child around kebab meat,” she exclaimed incredulously (as her justification for giving up her job), and Tracy’ll BE kebab meat if (and when!) Michelle finds out the truth.

“Steve: I hope you’re not going to start getting flirty, ’cause I am now sort-of your Daughter-In-Law, so it would be really inappropriate,” she teased.

It all led to Steve to coming up with one of his ‘cunning’ (i.e. misguided and doomed to failure) plans, and he promptly dumped Michelle.

You won’t be alone for long now, Michelle

As if Michelle didn’t already have enough to worry about with Tracy and Ryan. Honestly; if ever a woman needed her best friend by her side it’s now.

We can’t be more than two weeks away from Carla’s on-screen return (hopefully), and #Carchelle fans everywhere will be hoping for a beautiful and tender reunion between the two women …

‘Mother and child reunion’

I’m sorry to say it, but I’m not warming to Mandy and Jenna. Mandy reminds me too much of Elaine from Brookside (who popped up as Maria’s consultant a couple of weeks ago), and Jenna reminds me too much of Curse-ty, but now that it looks as if they’re staying I’ll just have to get over it, I suppose?

Like Steve said of Mandy: “She’s not your usual type. Your last girlfriend was a bed-hopping pole dancer,” so maybe now that Lloyd’s with someone older it’ll be a proper relationship – rather than him looking like some complete saddo chasing round after women half his age! I hope so. I like Lloyd.

Ooh, some huge Appropriate/Inappropriate Music in the Background for us this week! When Stella was telling Gloria she would have to be on her best behaviour all over again once they found out there would be a mystery drinker as well as a mystery guest, ‘All I have to give’ was playing at that exact second.

Duffy’s ‘Mercy’ (‘I said belie-e-e-ve’ etc) was blasting out as Audrey sat in Gail’s waiting for news on Lewis, and the line ‘Shoot that poison arrow’ from ABC’s song of the same name sang out at the EXACT moment after Tracy had said: “The tea’s still warm,” and Michelle asked her if she’d poisoned it.

Is the person choosing these tracks the same one who maybe used to work at EastEnders, or are Corrie just determined to pinch EastEnders’ Appropriate/Inappropriate Music in the Background crown?

Not quite as many as last week’s bumper edition, but still plenty of our Grins of the Week:

Norris (about Lewis): “He hasn’t got the wit to be a spy.”

Gail: “And you have? Imagine dropping you behind the Iron Curtain”

Ken: “I’ve got problems of my own.”

Audrey: “Oh dear. Is your book overdue?”

Beth (about Tracy’s pregnancy): “We should do a family tree: it’d be like a Spirograph!”

Tracy: “You should have seen him (Ryan) flirting with the Doctor, dad. It was embarrassing.”

Ken: “Doctor Carter?”

Ryan: “No, the other one: the woman. I was being friendly.”

Norris (about Lewis): “He’ll be in Brittany in some back street sniffing around some Madame’s Euros.”

Mary: “Mother always said there was something very Slavic about me.”

Anna: ” … Oh, well, that’s nice.”

Mary: “It wasn’t a compliment. Whenever I wore a headscarf she said I looked like I should be queuing for beetroot.”

Steve: “I was watching her and Ryan earlier. She didn’t know I was there at first.”

Eileen: “Ooh, were you wearing your invisibility cloak?”

Kirk: “I’m not really into foreign foods; I prefer pizzas and kebabs.” (kerching!)

Michelle (about Tracy): “I’d rather ask a Bengal flamin’ tiger to move in than her.”

Mary: “Too much caffeine and I’m very much at home to Mrs Tetchy.”

Tracy: “Ooh, Michelle, that candle is lovely. Candlelight is so much more flattering when you’re past your best.”

PS

* Is Steve channelling Eddie Munster?

* I loved Mary’s (bordering on hysterical) delivery of her line: “Oh yes – twist my head off and I think you’ll find another four or five Marys lurking inside.”

Mary is a character only one step away from being a complete psychopath, and Patti Clare plays her to absolute perfection.

* The name Stella called herself for the Pub Inspector: Mrs Johannesburg. Lol!

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