'Emmerdale-y' – 23rd October 2011

*You can hear me talking Soaps 11.30-12.00 am on Thursdays & 4.10-4.25 pm Fridays on Swindon 105.5 FM CLICK HERE TO LISTEN

I’m beginning to think I’m psychic, as my suggestions are coming true (without having even looked at any spoilers!). Cameron and Carl buried the hatchet and are working together. Official partners by this time next week? Let’s see. (And what? Nobody’s a match for Sarah? Hang on. There’s someone you haven’t tried yet …)

Carl - Emmerdale - Jane Reynolds' weekly 'Emmerdale-y' reviewCameron and Carl would make a good team, and it gives lots of opportunites for the writers as far as the Haulage business goes. Carl will have to work hard to win Debbie round though, and after sending Cameron to Edinburgh, winding her up about it definitely wasn’t the way to go.

Carl (knowingly): “How’s business?”

Debbie: “I’d love to stop and talk you through it, only I absolutely can’t stand you so …”

Right. The new family. Rachel ‘broke us in’ and now the rest of them have arrived. Nicola’s not impressed, and told Sam she thought Rachel was ‘rough’.

Nicola & Sam - Emmerdale - Jane Reynolds' weekly 'Emmerdale-y' reviewSam: “She’s not rough. She’s just … worldly.”

Nicola: “Not any world I’d want to inhabit.”

Rachel’s got a cleaning job for Declan. That’s doubled the staff numbers. Nicola gave her a talking-to. “Remember, you’re on trial – not that I suppose that’s a new experience for you,” she sneered. Nico’s such fun when she’d being a bitch.

Cain - Emmerdale - Jane Reynolds' weekly 'Emmerdale-y' reviewSpeaking of which, Cain said “I absolutely hate the evil bitch,” about Charity. He was being ‘bad’ Cain this week as he smacked his Dad and put the fear of God into Amy. Bless Belle though. She feels convinced that Cain will be pleased when he finds out about the baby; that Amy can move in with them and that they’ll all be able to raise it together. How kind is that? She’s a little sweetie (and is being such a lovely friend to Amy), but she has NO idea what Cain’s capable of.

It was sad to see Zac having to face the fact that he’s not ‘Top Dog’ any more. Getting old is horrible, and at one time he’d have wiped the floor with Cain, but it really hurt his pride to be thumped by his son – and even more for Cain to remind him cruelly, “You’re past it. You can’t even protect your wife from that loser Derek.” Ooh, that was way below the belt.

Hang on. I was talking about the new family, wasn’t I? It’s been a long time since Zoe Tate, but it seems we’ve now got a lesbian couple in the village. (We only need one in EastEnders and we’ll have a full set!) From what I’ve read on my Twitterfeed though, they’re not going down too well.

Sean - Emmerdale - Jane Reynolds' weekly 'Emmerdale-y' reviewIt takes a while for any new family to ‘bed down’ so I’m saying nothing – except that when that lad Sean first showed-up I genuinely thought he was the gay sister. I’m making a serious comment here. He looks every inch the young, boyish lesbian and – in my opinion – needs a bit of a make-over, or to get that cap off at the very least (unless he’s going to turn out to be gay too?).

Now there’s an idea. He gets a crush on Aaron and … ooh, my psychic thoughts (or is it just my writer’s active imagination?)!

Didn’t Cain tell Amy a lovely story? The Little Trampy Tart. Harry Potter look out.

Laurel & Sandy - Emmerdale - Jane Reynolds' weekly 'Emmerdale-y' reviewMarlon and Laurel are still simmering. Sandy’s been great as Laurel’s ‘outraged conscience’, and there’s been a lot of back-peddling and track-covering going on. We’re all on pins for next week, and on pins wondering whether Cain’s going to have his wicked way with Moira and whether Nikhil’s finally going to snog the face off Gennie.

Nikhil - Emmerdale - Jane Reynolds' weekly 'Emmerdale-y' reviewHe SO nearly said something to her, but the best he could come up with was “I like you.” As declarations of love go, it’s hardly ‘up there’, but – for him – it’s progress, and as it’s clear Nicky’s not really that into her, surely it’s only a matter of time before they get together?

How about a double wedding with Charity and Jai? No, better still – Charity snogs Cain on the way to the Church; Jai finds out and calls the wedding off so Nik proposes and he and Gennie get married instead? Far-fetched? Nonsense. What a storyline! (It’s way less far-fetched than half of what’s going on in EastEnders at the moment!)

I got most of my Grins of the Week: from Monday’s first Ep! Hilarious writing from Stephen Bennett.

Laurel (to Ashley about Sandy): “Ignore him. He’s in a miserable phase.”

Sam: “You’ve lost me.”

Nicola: “There’s a shock.”

Marlon - Emmerdale - Jane Reynolds' weekly 'Emmerdale-y' reviewMarlon (to Nik and Nick): “You might want to take all this fitness malarkey elsewhere, cos you might end up making some blokes round here just a tiny bit insecure. Not mentioning any names. *coughs* Paddy.”

Nicola: “Mr Macey says – can you concentrate on upstairs today.”

Rachel: “Do you mean clean it – or just concentrate on it?” (Clients often used to say that to me during the three years I spent house-cleaning before starting my Housekeeping job. It always used to make me laugh – inwardly – even then!)

PS Nicola looked nice this week. (I’m really curious to know if it’s just my imagination or not, but everyone seems to be just looking that little bit better. Must be down to the make-up Department?)

PPS Bob told Alex there was a (cold) tap outside for him to get water to wash the windows. You need hot water to do a proper job (never mind these spray cleaners that ALL leave smears – no matter how much they claim they won’t)! Wash David - Emmerdale - Jane Reynolds' weekly 'Emmerdale-y' reviewthem with a really hot cloth then just polish them up with any reasonably-thick kitchen roll.

PPPS Ah, how sweet was Non-Hairy David to Belle? He’s a little love, isn’t he?

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