Emmerdale-y – 2nd September 2012

(I won’t be doing my Thursday & Friday radio Soap spots this week as I’m away working, but they’ll be back next week – along with my new live internet radio show.) 

Moving scenes between warring ‘brothers’ Paddy and Marlon; Kerry’s moving-in on Andy; Nikhil’s moving in with Gennie, and Rotten Robbie’s making a move on Katie.

“If we’re lucky, me and Chas’ll have what you and Ruby have got,” a deluded Dan smiled dreamily at Misery Ali. Blimey. That pair are hardly Ellen and Portia* so I’m not sure that’s much for him to aim for, and judging by Chas’s rictus grin I don’t even think they’ll even manage to reach those heady heights, do you?

Poor Dan. He’s totally backed the wrong horse there; he’d be far better off with Kerry. Now, those two would make a good couple. She’s feisty, funny (as is our Chas – in spades), but the most important thing about Kerry is that she’s not in love with Cameron (well not yet, anyway!).

Don’t get ‘Kerrie-d away’ Andy

She was all over Andy like measles on Friday, but (apart from a bit of slap and tickle) I hope that’s not one that’s going to be going anywhere. They’re definitely not a couple I’d like to see together, and neither would Diane by the look of it!

You know what I’m going to say next, don’t you? Yes; when it comes to inappropriate ‘couplings’, Pointless Priya and David are right up there. It’s like watching a lion maul a baby antelope seeing her launching herself at the poor, helpless lad. Nikhil’s right to warn him off. She’s ‘got form’ for it too, so it seems.

Men are merely playthings in her pointless little life. Just get that banana suit back on and RUN David – before it’s too late.  Nikhil, too, is spending most of his day looking like a startled bunny now that the implications of fatherhood are starting to sink in.

Show him who’s boss, Gennie

Living with your partner is generally the way to go when there’s a baby on the way, and Gennie was finally forced into taking direct action this week by actually moving out of the Sharma home in an attempt to winkle him away from his family.

The baby’s going to be a piece of cake compared to him Gennie love, but ‘Oooh, ee’s gorr-juss’, so who cares if he’s a bit of a of a plank?

“I’ve never lived alone before,” he admitted nervously.

“No-one’s asking you to. You’d be living with me,” Gennie reminded him wearily!

It’s lucky that Victoria Cottage was actually empty. Paddy and Rhona’s place would have been up for rent from September, but not after this week’s events, it’s not.

The scenes between Paddy, Rhona, Marlon and Laurel have been absolutely gripping. Paddy and Laurel’s row at the Court was so realistic I had to wind it back and watch it again, and even though we KNEW Paddy was going to blurt it out in front of Ashley, when he actually DID we still all gasped, didn’t we?

Brothers at War

Seeing Marlon telling his ‘brother’ Paddy that he was dead to him felt quite chilling, but not half as chilling as seeing that little rodent Robbie kissing Katie on the cheek. From the moment I first saw him I knew he was a wrong ‘un, and – boy – is he proving me right. He’s got it in for Katie and I dread to think what’s coming next …

Let’s take our mind off Rotten Robbie with a bumper Grins of the Week:

Nikhil: “Where is she?”

Jai: “Fighting with Carl.”

Nikhil: “Not Charity – Gennie.”

Laurel: “You can make this as unpleasant as you like, but I’m here for Marlon.”

Rhona: “And you can ‘be here’ all you like, but it won’t make any difference.”

Jimmy: “We’re a van short at the yard.”

Charity: “Have you checked properly? Maybe it’s hiding behind one of the other ones – teasing you?”

Marlon: “I thought I’d take Leo for a bit.”

Rhona: “I’ll tell you what. I’ve got an even better idea: why don’t you leave Leo here … and just get lost.””

Amy: “No word from Prince Charming (Alex) then?”

Vic: “In what twisted fairytale would that halfwit be Prince Charming?”

Gennie: “If you’re going to yell at me– “

Nikhil: “When have I ever yelled at you?”

Gennie: “All right, whine then.”


* Laurel had the day off ‘sick’ on Wednesday then finished early on Thursday. It’s more like a Drop-in Centre than a place of work at that factory!

* What’s up with Carl? One minute he’s trying to coerce Jimmy into backing Charity and the next minute he’s telling her to stop trying to take over their business. No wonder poor Jimmy’s bemused!

* Nice to see Diane back. Who’s next for a bit of a break, I wonder?

* Ooh, ‘Cute boy of the week’, or what?

* EastEnders‘ Ian’s finally smartened himself up. Come on Ashley; time to lose the beard too?

* I love how Ashley calls Arthur ‘Lamb’. Bless.

* “Oh, they’re beautiful,” Katie gasped when Deccers gave her those earrings. They didn’t look any different to the pair I got in Asda for £1 to me (but then I know nothing about jewellery). Has any woman in the history of Soap ever opened up a box and said, “Ergh, they’re horrible!”?


* Married lesbians, comedienne Ellen Degeneres and actress Portia Di Rossi. CLICK HERE FOR MORE

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