'Emmerdale-y' – 19th February 2012

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You know that when a Soap character says something like “The rest of our lives start tomorrow,” it’s time to order the flowers, and this week was no exception, and as John pulled Moira to him for a snog we knew we’d be in bits before the week was out.

I did wonder where on earth the Hotel must have been though, as they set off in daylight and it was pitch black when they crashed. It’s a long time since I could afford to stay in a Hotel, but if I’d only been going for the one night – and for a romantic retreat – I’d have been in Reception from midday (with my coat and cardi off), ready for 3.00 check-in!

John hadn’t even packed (typical man), so Hannah told him, “Go and pack some stuff; some nice pants.”  Nice pants? I’d never think of descibing men’s pants as ‘nice’. Clean pants I could understand, but ‘nice’ pants?

Anyway. Off they went, and you have to say that what happened next was amazing. The special effects were excellent, and it was tear-jerking/nail-biting stuff (or would have been if we didn’t know he was leaving!), but when the van slipped and slapped flat onto the ground below, I actually gasped with shock and surprise.

That was a great twist. I thought that would have finished him off, but luckily he wasn’t squashed, and he and Moira were able to re-affirm their love before the inevitable flat-lining. I can’t imagine how it must feel to witness that in real life. It was painful-enough to watch them acting it, and credit to them all for having us in floods at the end!

Poor Chas didn’t know what to do, but she and Moira ‘made up’ after Chas reassured her that nothing had happened between them and that John couldn’t even “Show willing,” because he’d loved her so much.

Well, that set Andy off and made him even more determined to ‘Seize the Day’ and tell Debbie how he felt about her. Diane told Debbie she’d “Led him on,” which I thought was a bit unfair. I don’t think she’d given him any indication that it was anything more than ‘what it was’, but it was certainly more than enough for Cameron, who stormed straight round to Andy’s for another showdown.

“I don’t need to lay one finger on you to knock you out,” Andy said smugly, before landing the killer punch. Oh, Andy. What have you done?

The other ructions this week were between Ruby and Ali. Nicola was like the speaking clock reminding them that time was running out to pay off their arrears.

“Do you practise being a stuck-up cow, or does it come natural?” Rachel asked her.

Nicola ‘took against’ them from day one – and makes no secret of it. She seems to be forever looking for ways to get into their cottage though. “It’s like watching a vulture picking bits off something a car ran over,” Ruby observed as Nicola stood writing things on her clipboard.

“Why? Do vultures measure-up for new carpets? You need to change your tablets.” (I’m laughing out loud as I write this!)

To be honest, if I was Ruby I’d have spent that money on a gallon of petrol to get the hell out of there. Those two are about as cheerful as toothache; have got about as much chemistry as a pair of book-ends, and if that’s all her savings gone (on a month’s rent and a carpet?), then what are they going to do next time they have a bit of a spillage?

I loved the scene where Nicola was in the toilet slagging Ruby off to Laurel, then stopped as she realised it had all gone quiet and said, “She’s out there – isn’t she?”

“I just think that your life must be pretty sad if we’re all you’ve got to talk about,” Ruby told her as she came out.

“My life’s just peachy thanks, and it’ll be even better when you’re back up your Tower Block,” Nico sniped back, but was to be disappointed to see Ruby turn up at Declan’s with the cash!

Is the rugby-playing van driver going to be Aaron’s new squeeze? 56-4 was the score in their match. “Impressive,” Aaron replied (did he mean the result?). “We were the four,” Ed replied. Still; I’m sure he’s got big muscles …

Loving the Rhona/Paddy banter. She loves winding him up and is really good at teasing him. “Especially if I do my Paddy voice!” she squeaked to Tootsie! Ok; here’s my Grins of the Week:

Chas: “Am I getting weaker, or is that beer getting heavier?”

Diane: “First one.”

Nicola: “Katie had a rat running over her foot this morning.”

Sam: “Was it a brown one?”

Nicola: ” … she didn’t specify.”

Adam: “What can I do with a face like this?”

Holly: “Put a bag on it?”

Adam: “Is that what your boyfriends tell you?”

Sam: “I used to have a pet rat. It even answered to its name.”

Nicola: “What was it?”

Sam (smirking): “Nicola.”

Nicola: “It’s not funny.”

Chas: “Yeah, it is, to be fair.”

Rhona: “Guinea pigs; there’s no reasoning with them.”

Chas: “Just fancied a chat.”

Cain: “Go on then.”

Chas: ” … How are ya?”

Cain: “Is that you chatting?”

Chas: “I’m warming up.”

Paddy: “WE cured Tootsie.”

Edna: “You all-but told me to give her a Lemsip!”

Aaron: “I’m not in the mood,” (to see Cain).

Chas: “When’s anyone in the mood for Cain … but talking of Moira– ”

PS Amy was back to the facepack look this week …

PS Some good acting from little Samson this week. He had Corrie’s Simon’s “God, I can’t believe you grown-ups,” face on!

PS How come – in 22 years of marriage – John had never once got that cassette out to play to Moira, and would Andy’s Land Rover really have had a cassette player in it? They haven’t been in cars since … well, my car’s got one, but it’s a ‘W’ Reg – which is well-old!

PPS Didn’t Pearl look nice?

PPPS Aah, I love Lisa. She’s just so ‘mumsy’.

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Like Ruby and Ali? You’ll probably like this then. It’s a love story about two straight, married women who find their feelings for each other go far deeper than just friendship, but will they get together? It’s my chick-lit/lesbian romance “Just Good Friends?” and is a mere click away on Amazon/Kindle. SIMPLY CLICK HERE!


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