'Emmerdale-y' – 11th March 2012

(You can hear me talking Soaps 11.30-12.00 am every Thurs & from 4.05-5.00 pm Fri on Swindon 105.5 FM) 

Pop those corks; the baby’s a match. No, hang on. She’s getting back with Cameron? Oh, Cameron, NO! Look at Chas’s face. Is that not the face of the woman you should be with? Course it is.

Ooh, you’ve got to laugh though. It was barely five minutes before he pounced on Chas, although (in his defence), she certainly wasn’t complaining … until afterwards, when she accused him of misreading the signals.

Chas, love, you couldn’t have been giving him a bigger green light if you’d been stuck on a pole at a the side of the road, and (like I’ve said before), you can almost see the sparks flying between them.

They’re a great couple, and how ‘at home’ did Cameron look behind the bar? I think we can see where this one’s heading, can’t we? That’s all I’m saying for now, but I don’t think Debbie and Chas are going to be sharing a friendly cuppa in the cafe in the near future …

I don’t reckon that cafe’s a safe place for a pregnant woman anyway. Did you see Cameron and Aaron waving their take-away coffees around like a pair of Wii Fit remotes? Take-away cups are a lethal weapon; everyone knows that. You only have to pick one up and the scalding coffee shoots out of the little hole at the top, or the lid falls off and it tips itself all over your hand!

Andy wouldn’t be too chuffed with them if Debbie were to come to any harm, and the last thing Aaron wants is a broken arm – or even a nasty burn, now that he’s got himself a new boyfriend. Aah, wasn’t it nice to see them showing each other their scars? What a touching moment.

No, I jest, but it was so sweet seeing Aaron trying to leave Ed the voicemail message on Monday, and it gave Chas and Paddy a tense week wondering, “Will they, won’t they?”

Knowing Aaron’s form we thought they’d be right – in that he’s somehow mess it up and leg-it, but he surprised them both by actually hanging around!

Paddy’s mischievous side came out, and he could barely contain his excitement at prospect of the comedic opportunities Aaron dating a rugby player would give him. “There’s a whole world of innuendo and jokes about ‘tackle’ and ‘funny-shaped’ balls,” he almost cried; desperate for Aaron’s consent so that he could begin the onslaught.

Surprisingly, Aaron simply gave him a sideways look and replied, “Yeah; fill your boots.”

He didn’t kick-off, and he even smiled a couple of times this week, so it must be love! He was definitely smiling after they spent their first night together too. “How are you two? Sleep alright? Sorry – you don’t have to answer that,” Chas jabbered tacklessly as they came downstairs the next morning.

That wasn’t much of a ‘courtship’, but if Ed’s off to France in a month they haven’t got time to mess about really, have they?

I reckon Holly Barton wishes she could go with him. She’s not a happy bunny this week, and has taken over from Adam as the one with the weight of the world on her shoulders (but not in her hands, as she came back from that ‘big’ shop with only two bags of stuff).

They’re all looking a bit rough up at Barton’s farm at the moment (hey, did you see the chicken again?), and Eric and David didn’t look much better after hitting the bottle either.

“You look lovely – unlike my wife: boot-faced old hag,” Eric slurred to Amy. Is she right though? Can Social Services send her away now that Val’s gone? Seems a bit harsh …

Debbie’s being harsh on Andy too. Poor Andy. It’s his baby as well, but she’s really pushing him out. It was sweet to see her wanting her mum at the hospital, but we know Charity’s not going to be best pleased with Chas if (when?) Cameron ends up leaving Debbie for her, don’t we?

I know I’ve said it before, but I have to say it again: Debbie is the image of both Charity and Cain, although WHAT is that new hairstyle of his all about?

Most of you will be too young to remember, but it instantly reminded me of little Eddie from the great 1960s’s US Comedy The Munsters,

It’s a bit of a scary look, and someone who’s definitely proving she’s got a bit of a scary side is Megan.

That woman doesn’t suffer fools (or anyone else, for that matter), and gave Chas short shrift when she kept her waiting at the bar because she was on her own.

“Would it be more convenient if all your customers left?” she asked Chas pointedly.

“Complaining?” Cameron jumped-in.

“No. I specifically ordered an empty glass,” she shot back sarcastically (followed by that trademark big smile!). Ooh, she’s one to watch, she is!

There’s been a lot going on, but it’s been pretty slim pickings on the old Grins of the Week front:

Cain: “So this is where people bring their old bangers to be fixed now, is it?”

Cameron: “Could be … a broken-down old banger’s just walked in.”

Laurel (about Alex): “He’s a bit scrawny.”

Nicola: “Come on, Ashley’s hardly Mr Universe – or Marlon.” (Ooh, miaow!)

Paddy (about Aaron/Ed): “Please tell me you didn’t make a big thing of it?”

Chas (embarrassed): “No, I didn’t … Yes, yes, yes, I did – but only a little bit!”

Sam: “Are you happy then?”

Lisa: “Delirious, but I hide it well.”

Brenda: “Shut up and show us your wares.”

Lizzie: “Ooh, er, missus!”

Chas (to Rachel): “Don’t take this the wrong way … but why are you going to a make-up party?”

PS If Hannah wants to concentrate on her studies without being asked to be a tea-lady every five minutes, she should sit upstairs – or find somewhere she won’t be disturbed – rather than sit in the middle of the room.

PPS Zak explained his latest disappearance by saying, “I just had to get out: clear my head,” (well, “Clear me ‘ed,” to be precise). Does anyone say that in real life, or is it just Soaps‘ favourite expression?

PPPS Alicia’s jammie dodger earrings made a welcome return this week!

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