Queen Vic Corner – 26th February 2012

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It feels more like Derek Square than Albert Square at the moment. He just seems to pop up everywhere. “There’s a lot of bugs around,” he told Roxy. Yeah, and you’re the biggest one, you cockroach.

He thinks he’s ‘all that’, but Shirley wiped the smile off his fat, smug face when she told him that the ‘hit’ man he’d hired to sort Roxy out was an old mate of Phil’s and that Phil “Wouldn’t be too ‘appy abaht it,” when he found out. Ha. That put the wind up him!

They do make good sparring partners though, and there was a great exchange on Monday as Shirley leaned-in to Amy’s pushchair and asked, “Do you want to go for a walk with Auntie Shirley?”

“Oh, don’t do that; you’ll give her nightmares,” Derek quipped!

Some good lines from Janine this week too. “I gave you a club night and you spent most of it giving a ‘shout out’ to … what was it? Oh, My girl Whitney. You’re so peng,” she mused loftily.

“Oh, come on. It was banging in there,” Fats protested.

“Yeah; with people that didn’t spend a penny – apart from on the toilet floor,” she retorted. Great line!

Nice to get a glimpse of Zee this week. “Eating my food, playing my ludo. He doesn’t fool me,” she muttered to Denise as they watched Anthony flirting with Amira. He must be one hell of a salesman though, as he picked an item off the rail and sold it to a girl without even looking at it – let-alone checking to see whether it was her size or not!

You’d think she’d be glad for Anthony to be going out with Amira. He’s a lot more lively than Tamwar (the Roy Cropper of Albert Square), but I don’t think it’ll be a happy ending for them as Amira’s barely let him give her anything more than a peck on the cheek so far, and it’ll certainly prove that he’s serious if he doesn’t just give up and move on in the next couple of weeks.

Someone who looks as if he’s about to do exactly that is Max. He and Tanya appeared to be getting jiggy, but she wasn’t able to bring herself to go through with it.

“Do you know what it’s like – not being able to touch the person you love?” she asked him forlornly.

“Yeah I do, funnily-enough (!)” he shot back.

Tanya’s worried he’ll start looking elsewhere. “You could barely keep it in your pants when we were having sex,” she pointed out, and as Roxy dropped her towel and headed upstairs, we knew exactly what was going through his mind.

He’d be crazy to even think of following her though (who would even dream of choosing anyone over the gorgeous Tanya?), and cruel too, as he promised Tanya he’d stick by her, and to go off and have an affair when she’s trying to battle cancer would be unforgivable. Let’s see what Monday brings …

The stuff with Rose’s pen-pal’s had its funny moments. “He might have only killed once,” she said.

“That’s a relief (!)” Cora quipped; bemused, and here’s the rest of my Grins of the week (no Kim-isms this week, alas!):

Derek (to Shirley): “Haven’t you got prisons to visit?”

Cora: “I like a man who knows where to stick his apostrophes.” (Me too, love.)

Tyler: “I’m not playing games.”

Bianca: “If you do I’ll play football with your head.”

Dot (writing to Rose’s prisoner): “What’s his name?”

Fats: “Snugglepuss.”

Dot: “Dear Sir.”

Roxy: “That was a lot of vodka you were unloading earlier, weren’t it?”

Derek: “Why? Do you want a case? I’ve heard you like a drink.”

PS What do you think of Whitney’s new Star Wars hair-do? I reckon Harry Hill would be proud of me!

PPS Next Thursday’s (1st March) Episode’s written by none-other than ITV’s This Morning’s Soapy Guru Sharon Marshall, so there should be a few laughs to look forward to!

PPPS Was Alfie doing that horrible slurping from his mug to prove there was something in it? Goodness me; the man’s barely house-trained.

PPPPS I’ve never heard such a clattering of knives and forks (except when my dad eats his tea), as I heard in the background when Fats, Whitney and Tyler were in the caff on Tuesday. There only appeared to be two other people in there, and as they were actually drinking tea during half the scene, God knows where those sound effects came from.

"Just Good Friends?" the debut novel by Jane ReynoldsIf all this talk of affairs makes you think of luurve, why not grab a copy of my romantic novel “Just Good Friends?” which tells the story of close, married neighbours Ruth and Helen, whose close friendship turns into something a whole lot more!

Just CLICK HERE to buy it on Amazon/Kindle (and thank you SO much if you do; I really appreciate it).


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