Queen Vic Corner – 4th March 2012

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“I don’t like eating off my brother’s plate. Anyway, I’ve got steak indoors; don’t need to go out for a burger, do I?” Max told Roxy eloquently on Monday, before declaring, “Steak’s off,” on Tuesday (as he leered at her like the dirty dog he is).

Oh Max. I know she had that awful red blouse and waistcoat on again this week, but look at her … how could you even think of going with Roxy? “You don’t want me anymore, do you?” Tanya asked him sadly, and even though he reassured her, as he held her, his face told a different story.

The man’s a fool, and Ian’s a fool to not only have Loose-y Lucy and Handy Mandy under his roof but has now invited Lorraine to stay too. What is this: Beale’s Home for the Morally Challenged?

Not that I’m complaining. I loved the two Julies in Bad Girls and am happy to have a new, feisty (and hopefully, funny), character on the Square. God knows, we could do with it, as it’s slim pickings when Kim’s not around!

Someone who could turn a ‘Sow’s ear into a silk purse’ is This Morning’s Sharon Marshall, and Thursday’s Episode What she wrote was a lovely combination of Sharon’s delicious wit and sharp observational skill, and everyone had some juicy lines. It must be a joy to write for the ‘bitchy’ characters, and Janine’s been on top form this week.

This baby business was both laugh-out-loud funny (“Billions of women every year have babies without knowing how to sit on a yoga ball”), and very sad – as she pushed poor Michael away. Sounds as if Janine’s going to be one of those ‘Trophy’ mums who pop the baby out then hand it straight over to the Nanny while she ‘gets on with her life’.

That’s the last thing Baby Butcher needs though – as is having Whitney for a Nanny. Being a Nanny’s more than a full-time job, and Whitney’s hardly an ideal candidate as she’s never actually managed to work a full day without walking-out with some sort of ‘crisis’.

It’ll be harder to leg it if she’s living-in though. “Live in?” Bianca squawked.

“Well, she’s not going to hear the baby cry from here, is she?” Janine pointed-out (reasonably)!

Ok. I’ve enjoyed EastEnders this week (especially as the cockroach hasn’t been in it much), but – oh dear – why did they have to go and ruin it with that completely unbelievable marriage proposal? The Gherkin is a Private Member’s Club, so how on earth did they even get in, and do you really believe the place would have been completely deserted like that?

THIS is where EastEnders lets itself down. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: you HAVE to be credible. EastEnders is losing viewers, and it’s things like this that irritate people (it irritates me, anyway). I love Michael and Janine together and SO want to believe that he loves her, but as we know Janine’s off on a break, how can we ‘buy-into’ – or even care about – their relationship?

Ok. Soap-box moment over. Let’s have a right good laugh with my Grins of the week:

Denise: “I’m surprised you’re staying as Khan. I thought you’d be back to Masood, like I was to Fox.”

Zainab: “Well, you’ve had that many surnames it must be difficult to keep tabs, no?”

Lorraine (to Michael): “Think you’re ‘all that’ and a bag of chips, don’t you?”

Janine: “Well, he’s not that bad … when you get to know him.”

Lorraine: “Huh. That some sort of foreplay?”

Heather: “What colour suits you best?”

Shirley: “Black.”

Alfie: “Watch the ‘balcony over the old toy shop’ Beale-y.”

Ian: “I don’t have a paunch. Anyway, you’re older than me.”

Alfie: “Shut up. I’m 37.”

Ian: “Yeah, plus VAT!”

Cora: “I like jigsaw puzzles – as long as they ain’t got a lot of sky. Life’s too short.”

Lola (at the anetnatal class): “I don’t know who the dad is. Does that matter?”

Janine: “Well, have you got a short list?”

Cora (to Tanya): “Ain’t you got feet to file?”

Lauren (to Mandy): “Nice perfume.”

Lucy: “Yeah, if you’re standing on a street corner.”

PS Anyone else think Lucy’s got a look of Amanda Holden?

PPS Call that an ironing basket? For a family of six? You should see what I have to iron at my Wednesday cleaning/ironing job. Multiply that basket by 30 and you’ll be close (and there’s only two adults and two small children!)

PPPS There’s (yet-another) Bad Drinking from a Mug Award for Alfie this week. He’s ahead of Corrie’s Peter Barlow again (partly because Peter’s back on the bottle)!

PPPPS Why did Ian go out to get cheesecake when his carbonara was ready? It goes claggy if it’s not eaten fresh, everyone knows that!

"Just Good Friends?" the debut novel by Jane ReynoldsIf all this talk of affairs makes you think of luurve, why not grab a copy of my romantic novel “Just Good Friends?” which tells the story of close, married neighbours Ruth and Helen, whose close friendship turns into something a whole lot more!

Just CLICK HERE to buy it on Amazon/Kindle (and thank you SO much if you do; I really appreciate it).

CLICK HERE TO GO TO THE EASTENDERS’ HOMEPAGE 


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