Queen Vic Corner – 20th January 2013

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Dot’s smoking; Tanya’s smokin’ hot; Ayesha and Masood are smouldering and Roxy burning with jealousy.

Dot & IanOh, Dot’s back. That’s not something I’ll be putting the flags out for I’m afraid. She’s another one who’s been turned into a parody of herself, and it sickens me to see her lighting up a fag in front of people without even asking them if they mind (which non-smokers DO, even if they’re usually too polite to say so).

It’s revolting, and there’s far too much smoking in both EastEnders and Coronation Street in my opinion. Only Emmerdale (with the exception of Val) is a smoke-free Soap zone. When Dot eventually leaves, let’s hope it’s with a lung cancer storyline. It’s such a preventable death and it would be great for a Soap to have a leading (smoking) character get it as it might just encourage a few folk to stop, perhaps?

Queen Vic Corner? Smoker’s Corner, more like

Tanya & MaxIn the meantime, come on Soaps: why not set an example and let’s at least see Max give up, aye? Tanya asked him to this week, didn’t she?

How those luscious lips should be expected to kiss that mucky man’s mouth when it tastes like an old ashtray (not to mention the smell of stale smoke) I do not know.

CC’s as bad. Let’s have her and Max both agree to give up as a bet, maybe? Ok. Rant over. Down to business, and let’s start with Kirsty.

Crikey, Kirsty. You’re a dead ringer for love Roxy

Kirsty - EastEndersRoxy & KirstyI’m sorry, but she SO doesn’t look like a ‘Kirsty’ to me, but I’ll tell you who she DOES look like though, and that’s Roxy.

Several times this week I’ve done a double-take when either one’s come on-screen. What do you think? Ooh, it’s like looking in a mirror …

RoxyAlfie accidentally called Roxy Kat and she got a bit upset about it, but after so many years together with someone you get so used to saying their name that it’s just second nature so she really shouldn’t get stressed, should she? She also told Alfie she loved him, and he (reluctantly?) said that he loved her too.

Oh, if only I could believe it was true, but does anyone else think that it’s only a matter of time before Kat gets her claws back into him again? Alfie’s like a little mouse-y toy that she just picks up and plays with when she’s in the mood, but he’s simply too stupid (or blind) to realise it.

Let’s hope Roxy takes Kirsty’s advice and never lets a moment go by where she’s not reminding Alfie that she’s there and that she’s the woman for him now.

Who else wishes she was ‘the one’?

Ayesha & MasoodAyesha wishes that she was the woman for Mas. We all know that the wonderful Zainab’s leaving. I’d love it to be after finding out that Masood was having an affair with Ayesha, and for the two of them to become a couple and have a baby together (oh, I’m such a big softie!).

I like Mas, but I LOVE Zee, and will be beside myself when she leaves as she’s one of the few things that keeps me still watching EastEnders. If Tanya left too, I’m not sure I could carry on (watching, not living).

No disrespect to the others, but those two (along with Janine; er, isn’t it about time she was back by now?) are truly in a league of their own.

Oscar’s mum deserves an Oscar

TanyaIf Jo Joyner was a film actress she’d be right up there with Meryl Streep (in my opinion). I’ve never seen anyone cram so much expression and emotion into a performance, and that quality of performance never dips, not even for a minute.

Ere. Why is Phiwl calling himself ‘Daddy Phil’? He’s Lexi’s grandad, ain’t he? There’s so much wrong with that whole setup it’s not even funny.

I was Appropriate/Inappropriate Music in the Background-spotting this week (it was there alright), but I couldn’t hear it well enough to identify the toones. Why can’t they do what they used to do and have it come up on the subtitles: i.e. ‘#Poker Face by Lady Gaga plays in background’ (or words to that effect)?

Masood & ZainabApart from Zee’s brilliant facial expressions (which always make me laugh) there’s only one and a half Grins of the Week for you to read (which is better than some weeks where there’s none, I suppose?):

Zee: “Did AJ have rickets as a child?”

Kim: “I haven’t got a bunny up my top, although I have got a couple of puppies.” (Only a couple?)


Kirsty* Max sat down to lunch with Tanya without washing his hands. Dirty boy.

* Is that a ‘trout pout’ Kirsty’s got? I’m no expert on these matters, but that top lip fascinates me.

* No wonder Cousin ITT kept kicking the football at Abi and Lola; the poor lad couldn’t see where he was going.

* It was like Peggy Mitchell was in the building when Dot gasped, “Get ‘aaht of my ‘aahse,” to CC on Monday!

Max & Oscar* We got a rare glimpse of the lesser-spotted Oscar this week. Ooh, don’t ‘ee look like ‘is dad?

* Dexter thought that Phil was Lexi’s father. Gulp. That’s a thought I don’t want to have in my head.

If you agree (or disagree!) with anything I’ve written this week, come and tell me why on ‘Jane’s Soapy Corners’, LIVE on Tellyspy between 6.00-6.30 pm every Wednesday night!


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