Queen Vic Corner – 22nd July 2012

(You can hear me talking Soaps 11.30-12.00 am every Thurs & from 4.00-5.00 pm every Friday on Swindon 105.5 FM) CLICK HERE TO LISTEN

Lola limbers up, Alfie talks tactics, and Kat just wants to score.

Last week was the best one for ages. This week was the worst one for ages.

All this Lola stuff is so dull. I know she’s only (just) 16, and I know it’s the Olympics coming up, but I simply cannot believe that any woman who’s supposed to be 39 weeks pregnant would be able to run around the Square like Olga Korbut and sit with her leg bent up in front of her like that.

As for getting locked in a bedroom with Shirley – of all people – aargh. Please, I take back everything I said about the paintballing last week.

I’d rather watch that than see Lola go into the room a ‘rebellious teen’ and come out having suddenly turned into a saint and promising to never be any trouble to her ‘Pops’ again.

Where’s all this bonding with Shirley suddenly come from anyway? Sorry. Don’t buy it.

I know it’s all the lead-in to Monday’s double episode, but it was so rushed it’s as if they suddenly realised Monday was coming and quickly had to try and tie a whole load of loose ends together in time.

It just comes back to the thing I talk about time and time again in EastEnders: credibility. So many of the storylines just don’t feel as if they’ve been properly planned and ‘thought through’. I don’t like to moan – and always give credit where it’s due – but it just doesn’t seem to be getting any better.

Kat’s tactics are simply to ‘score’

At least it was a distraction from the bloody football. Would Alfie really have gone out and bought a board like that? Is he made of money?

We’ve had two weeks of Kat leering at every bloke in the Square, but she suddenly disappeared for most of this week, only to return for long enough to give us (what I thought might have been) a clue, when she told Alfie to keep Tyler up front as he was a ‘better finisher’.

It was only when she let herself into the flat that I reckoned it couldn’t have been him as he wouldn’t be able to afford to rent a place – although he’s a right slovenly oik so would definitely be the sort to leave that sticky cup mark on the table where she put her keys down!

The saving grace has been Janine and Michael. It’s heartbreaking to watch Janine struggle as she tries to hold it all together – all the while not knowing whether she can trust her own husband or not.

And as for him … is he for real, or is he just planning one big cash raid and a quick exit?

The Awards

Er, there aren’t any. Not even a Grin of the Week.  Told you it was a poor week!

PS Shirley opened Billy’s fridge and said that there wasn’t any milk in it. That’s not surprising: if you look carefully, you’ll see it’s a little upright freezer. There’s two white drawers, and look at the door: that’s a freezer door. Could you put a carton of milk in there? No. It’s way too narrow!

Why is everyone in Soapland turning orange? Kat’s looked as if she’s been ‘tango-ed’ for ages, but Alfie looked as orange as a half-time, er, orange this week.

I read that Whitney’s been suspended for failing to turn up and not knowing her lines, etc. As they say in The Devil Wears Prada: “A million girls would kill for your job.” How could anyone disrepect their fellow actors and jeopardise their role (and huge salary) like that? It’s beyond me. She needs Shirley (or Cora) to get in there and ‘sort her aaht‘.

PS I woke up last night thinking about Lola having to do the live birth scene. We all know what it feels like to be SO nervous you think you’re going to have a heart attack. That’s how she’ll be feeling right now. I really hope she does it well. It’s a big thing for the young actress, and I wish her luck.


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