Queen Vic Corner – 26th August 2012

(You can hear me talking Soaps 11.30-12.00 am every Thurs & from 4.00-5.00 pm every Friday on Swindon 105.5 FM) CLICK HERE TO LISTEN

Phil tried to cover up for Ben, Kat’s lover’s soon to be uncovered, and so would Ian’s head if I got anywhere near that stupid hat.

Ooh, hold me back.

As Jay walked round the Square on Monday they did that stupid thing where the camera pretended to be his eyes. Everybody was either verbally abusing him or giving him a dirty look. Why?

It wasn’t Jay’s fault, for God’s sake. It’s PHIL they should be taking it out on. I’m angry at seeing him forcing everyone to lie to the Police and threatening them with goodness knows what if they don’t. What sort of message is this sending out to children: that lying is fine?

I only ‘accidently’ murdered her, officer.

Murdering someone isn’t “One stupid mistake,” (as Phil tried to convince Ian). Ben didn’t make a mistake. It wasn’t a ‘joke’; he knew exactly what he was doing. Ooh, he’s a nasty piece of work (like father, like son), but at least he finally did the right thing and told his dad that he was going to stand by his guilty plea.

Thank the Lord for that. Hallelujah. Im just happy that I’ll never have to look at those guinea pig features again (assuming he gets a very long sentence and then comes out with a ‘new head’ like he did last time).

Ditch that flippin’ flea-bitten hat, Ian

Talking of heads: Ian’s mangy hat and mangy hair is doing my head in. What point are they trying to make by having him continue to wear it, because apart from still having those rats’ tails and that filthy beanie he appears to be otherwise ‘back to normal’.

There’s no way he should be working in a cafe with that thing on his head either, and how Sharon could hug him I simply do not know. He’s probably got all sorts crawling around in it, and if one of those critters has jumped onto Sharon’s mane it’ll only be a matter of time before both her and Cousin ITT will be needing the nit nurse. Gross.

Olympic champion Alfie Moon

In this Olympic year, I think Alfie should be awarded a gold medal, as his Bad Drinking From a Mug (he beat his PB and set a new world record this week) was breathtaking. He’s such a good actor, but just can’t ‘pretend to drink out of an empty mug’ to save his life. It’s extraordinary how bad he is at it. Keep your eyes peeled (or check Friday’s episode out on iPlayer!).

Doesn’t Lauren play a good drunk? She’s very convincing (must have been watching Phil: he’s another good drunk), and was very convincing in the kiss she gave Lucy too. Something she’s not telling us, perhaps?

Something else we’re not being told is the identity of Kat’s lover. Remember that? It was a big storyline … before they seemed to forget all about it. Well, according to the front cover of the Soap magazine I saw this week it’s *****.

Ooh, I can’t say who it is (as I don’t do spoilers), but if you look back over my Queen Vic Corners you’ll see who I said I wished it was, and that’s all I’m saying …

If it does turn out to be ***** then (if they write it well) it’ll be a fantastic storyline. I’d give my eye teeth to be writing it as I know exactly how I’d like it to pan out. Kat and Alfie are over. Whatever happens, they definitely need to split those two up now – and let Alfie get together with Roxy. A tug of love over who gets to run the pub too, perhaps? Bring it on!

No Grins of the Week again. EastEnders seriously needs some comedy. Bring back my AJ … soon!


* Ian wants to get that scratch looked at too. I’ve never known one tiny nick take so long to heal.

* Jay was superb on Monday/Tuesday. Excellent acting.

* Denise charged Sharon a deposit to move into the B&B. That’s a bit unusual these days, innit?

* ‘Love’s young dream’ Tyler and Whiney didn’t stay happy long, did they?

* I keep reading about Sharon being Tanya’s long-lost sister. That would be just too convenient. Good mates, yes, but not sisters, please.


BIG NEWS: my Soapy ramblings are coming to a computer near you. Yes, my brand-new Internet Soap show ‘Jane’s Soapy Corner’ starts at 6.00 pm (BST) on 29th August via TellySpy. Come along and text/MSM me live online (or I’ll be sat there talking to myself for half an hour)!

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