Queen Vic Corner – 11th March 2012

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So good to see Kim back (the comedy content automatically goes up 100% when she’s on), and she was calling Janine Janice again (I love that one!), but her humour didn’t amuse the waiter in the Argee Bhajee, did it?

That whole storyline wasn’t exactly funny either, and the guy who played Ali definitely gets a Bad Acting by a Bit-part Actor Award.

Goodness, Gracious Me. What would happen in real life if a waiter started waving a wooden spoon about? I doubt the whole restaurant would just sit there like this lot did, and I certainly don’t think they’d then all just get on with their (cold) meals like good little customers just because Afia came in and told them to, do you?

Leaving two small children (Kamil and Yasmin), on their own to watch a DVD while you have a family crisis (“They should be alright for half an hour,” Syed said to Christian), is pretty unacceptable too. It’s that credibility thing again, and don’t even get me started on Heather’s quiz to find out whether Shirley or Andrew knew her best …

Considering Shirley’s known ‘Ev for the best part of her life (and Andrew’s known her for all of five minutes), it should have been a walk-over, but for it to be decided by Shirley saying Heather had three sugars in her tea but Andrew saying it was two-and-a-half, oh, come on; it was just plain daft.

It wasn’t all bad though (I love Kim’s new nickname for the Masoods: The Bad Moods), and the whole Lorraine thing was written really well. It was nice to see that Lucy has actually got a heart in there somewhere and actually defended Mandy, but who is Alex, aye?

We’ll no-doubt be finding out, but even though I’ve always said that Mandy doesn’t love Ian, do you think she actually does now? Time will tell, and it would be nice if she did (I like a happy ending!), but what about Michael?

Jean was watching him.

“I’ve been watching you,” she told him.

“Creepy,” he replied.

Not half as creepy as your face sometimes, mate. Jean asked him if he actually loved Janine. “I’m getting married to her, aren’t I?” he replied cryptically.

Ooh, he’s a tease, that man. Whenever he does or says something to make you think he does love her, the next minute he does or says something which makes you think he doesn’t.

It was a bit of an “Aah” moment when Zainab finally accepted Christian, wasn’t it? Not a dry eye in the house, but will this mark the start of a ‘New, improved’ Zee? She even smiled a couple of times this week (granted, one of them was a bit scary), but I can’t see it lasting. Misery’s in her blood, bless!

Christian gets a Bad Drinking from a Mug Award (not the first, either), and someone clearly had a very busy week putting together a whole host of Appropriate/Inappropriate Music in the Background tracks.

Zainab was complaining about the Creepy Doctor ruining their lives to the strains of Blondie’s Heart of Glass; Sister Sledge’s We Are Family sang-out as Michael put the ring on Janine’s finger and they were joking about her joining the Moons, and Nat King Cole’s Unforgettable accompanied Zee talking about Yuesf.

Rihanna’s Only Girl was blasting out in the background as Anthony tried to tell Amira he loved her; Lulu’s Shout playing when Lorraine was winding Mandy up, and Frankie Goes to Hollywood’s The Power of Love was wailing-away in the background as Tyler sympathised with Anthony over Amira. There were more than that, but you get my point?

Not quite that many Grins of the week:

Lorraine: “Look what she did to me!”

Ian: “Yeah. Good shot.”

Ian (to Bianca): “Bobby’s going through a nose-picking phase at the moment, so could you give the walls an extra rub down?”

Whitney: “I can’t believe you’re going to be a Moon.”

Janine: “Oh, no way I’m giving up the Butcher name again. Not for anyone.”

Bianca: “Save changing it back in six months though … “

Ian: “I leave my wallet around and suddenly it becomes ‘Slimmer of the Year’?”

Lorraine (about Mandy): “No love lost between you and her then. What did she do?”

Bianca: “My husband.”

Kim (when she dropped her fish and chips): “Pick it up for me mate. If I bend down in this dress all hell will break loose.”

PS Afia said to Zee, “Marry a girl and watch her turn into your mother.” Shouldn’t that be, “Marry a girl and watch her turn into her mother?”

PPS Who eats curry with a knife and fork like that?

PPPS Tanya’s pink gloves. That’s not a good look …

PPPPS Why was Kim asleep in a doorway?

PPPPPS Who was looking after Bobby when they all went out and left the house empty on Monday night?

PPPPPPS Oh, bye, Amira. Shut the door on your way out, will you? Hang on: you’ve forgotten your baby, love.

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5 Responses to Queen Vic Corner – 11th March 2012

  1. Carile November 18, 2012 at 3:38 pm #

    Jane. Stop criticising everyone else, it’s clear you’re trying to make this funny, to inform you of how you’re getting along with a taste of your own favourite choice of writing style, criticism- you are failing miserably.

    Awful blog, sort your books and tiresome writing style out, it’s boring, emphasises what a dull person you are,

    Please produce something of, at least, minute worth before turning to point and laugh at others, it’s not really warranted especially from someone who has achieved as little as yourself.

    I have read your book, I obtained a copy for free from a friend who couldn’t wait to give me her kindle to get rid of it.

    Thank god it was never printed. Would have been a dire waste of paper and ink.

    Don’t quit your day job.

    • Jane November 18, 2012 at 3:45 pm #

      Sorry my work isn’t to your taste, but thank you for your feedback nonetheless.

  2. Carile November 18, 2012 at 4:06 pm #

    Jane. I’ve re-read what I wrote and feel I have let myself down a bit. I did say some very nasty things and I am not to judge you personally so please forgive me for any such comments made above.

    I do sincerely apologise and hope you have not taken the comments to heart, as I did not intend it to be taken so, in hindsight.

    I do indeed feel it is a rather horrible writing style though, being full of non stop criticism and all, and possibly something to take note from? People grow tired of hearing negatives all the time, it’s weighty and is rather dull.

    But as I said, apologies for my harsh comments.

  3. Bronson November 18, 2012 at 4:52 pm #

    No, Carile I whole heartedly agree with your first comment.

    Don’t know about Jane’s book, am not paying that much to read it!

    But as for the reviews, it’s self degrading to herself that she would even produce such hate ‘literature’. If you can call it literature.

    Ripping others to shreds when she should be focusing on improving her own work to bring it up to simply a readable standard.

    She should be ashamed and I hope she focuses on bringing her own work up to standard before laughing at others. Especially as being as low to laugh at someone’s ‘face’

    Lowest form of wit and humour.

  4. Carile November 18, 2012 at 9:19 pm #

    Yes, you’re right. I retract my second comment.

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