Queen Vic Corner – 4th November 2012

(You can hear me talking Soaps 10.45-11.15 am every Thursday; 4.00-5.00 pm Fridays on Swindon 1055.com CLICK HERE TO LISTEN and on my internet Soap Show 6.00-6.30 pm Wednesdays on TellyspyCLICK HERE TO LISTEN)

A week of Halloween, ageing Queens and love’s young dream.

It was Hallowyawn this week, with everyone in outfits that wouldn’t have looked out of place in a professional production of the Rocky Horror Picture Show. (It was even hard to tell whether it was Kat or Alfie’s dracula teeth which were fake!)

That must be one hell of a Fancy Dress Hire shop they’ve got down there in Walford. Presumably it must be owned by a ‘theatrical type’ too, as they were all completely made up and accessorised WAY beyond anything you’d expect to see outside of a West End show.

You need to look to the future now, Christian

Maybe that could be a new career for Christian? Married life’s not turning out quite how he expected, and he also found out this week that Bambi had been unfaithful with Danny – which can’t have helped.

I’m with Danny, who told Christian he was an “Ageing old Queen, SO desperate to hang on to his pretty boy that he’ll do anything to scare off the competition”.

Christian’s hairstyle/colour alone is enough to scare off the living dead. No wonder Syed strayed – having to wake up next to that every morning.

I don’t know what’s happened to Christian. Not only is his hair a fright, but he’s getting more orange-y by the week. If you bottled him you’d have marmalade.

Considering he’s so fit though, how come he didn’t make mincemeat of Danny? Syed saw a figure walking (perfectly normally) through the Square, but it turned out to be Christian all covered in fake blood. If you’d been beaten that badly you’d barely even be standing – let-alone taking a stroll, would you?

Not just gay … they’re now a girl gang

Danny looked to have had little more than run-in with Tamwar too (hardly looked like enough evidence for an allegation of assault, did it?), but he was soon warned off by the Walford Posse (ha, a bunch of five-year-old girls would be more threatening than that lot)!

“Withdraw your statement,” Syed told him (ooh, I’m scared).

“Ok,” Danny shrugged.

“Really?” Tamwar gasped.

“No, not really, Gonzo,” he replied.

That was funny. In fact, I … wait for it … I actually enjoyed Friday’s episode, and was waiting for the credits to see who’d written it (as there’s a couple of occasional writers whose episodes are always entertaining), and it was Colin Wyatt (who hasn’t written for EE in a while – certainly not since I started this blog – unless I’m mistaken?).

He wrote Monday’s episode too, and there was even humour in that one as well! Maybe somebody at EastEnders has been reading this blog and finally answered my increasingly-desperate pleas to get them to bring a bit of comedy back? To get weeks without even one line funny enough to be included in my Grins of the Week is a pretty poor do, but I’ve actually had quite a few laughs this week!

The Boys are Back in Town (well, the Jacksons)

Carol’s mob were back this week too.

“What the hell is going on?” Carol asked Jack in confusion (after finding that almost everything had changed since she’d left).

I ask that every week, love, as some of these storylines absolutely baffle me. It’s beyond me how Carol’s lot manage for money for a start, but – that aside, there’s something fishy going on with Derek and David Wicks, isn’t there?

Derek’s always been weird around David. He was so wound up about Carol being with him; he screwed David’s letter to Carol up last week (although I saw him put it in his box of dodgy bank notes on Thursday), and there’s clearly going to be some huge significance in this ’30 years’ thing that he’s been banging on about all week.

Derek said that ‘something had happened 30 years ago’ with David Wicks, and then that he’d ‘had his happiness spoilt 36 years ago’. (Did Derek fluff his line and it wasn’t picked up, or was he actually talking about two different events?) This 30/36 year thing is going to be a crucial part of what’s to come over the next few weeks though, as so much has been made of it this week.

I’d thought that David was going to turn out to be Derek’s son (as they really do look like each other – see 8th Jan post), but I’ve just looked it up and seen that there’s only two years between them, so even in the weird world of EastEnders (where they never let the truth/facts get in the way of a half-baked storyline) I can’t see that happening, so maybe they’ll turn out to be brothers/half-brothers?

It can’t be any more far-fetched than Derek being Max and Jack’s brother. Aside from the King brothers in Emmerdale, you’d be hard-pressed to find three ‘less-likely-to-be-related’ looking blokes than those three, wouldn’t you?

‘Kissing cousins’

Derek’s son Joey (who also doesn’t look a bit like his Dad) moved in at the Brannings’.

“Max didn’t think you’d mind,” he told a surprised Tanya.

“How long did he think I ‘wouldn’t mind’ for?” she enquired.

Lauren minded – but not for long, and they were soon snogging the faces off each other. Ok, they’re cousins, but it didn’t stop Lola and Ben, did it? It’d be different if it had been a cousin you’d known since you were little and had grown up with, but these two hadn’t even met until a few months ago so it’s not strictly incestuous … is it?

I don’t think so, and I’m quite happy about seeing these two ‘getting it together’ as they’ve got amazing on-screen chemistry, and as long as you’ve got that then I think people will believe in the relationship and be quite happy to see you together.

Their scenes are totally believable, and as long as this is luurve and not just another Whiney/Tyler storyline (where they went through so much to get together and yet five minutes later now don’t really seem to actually give a toss about each other any more), then I’m very happy for it to continue.

I loved Kim’s ‘rare sausage’ scenes, and look: we’ve actually got some Grins of the Week!

Kat (to Kim): “If Phil Mitchell can run a business with one lonely brain cell, I’m sure you can.”

Kim: “No one outdoes Kimberly Fox when it comes to fancy dress.”

Denise: “Yeah, well, she does wear it most days.”

Sharon: “I’ve seen Phil.”

Lola: “Oh, yeah? Lucky you.”

Mo: “He was giving me the eye.”

Alfie: “Well, I hope you picked it up, cleaned it up and give it back to ‘im?”

I’m sure I didn’t get all of it (sometimes it’s not quite loud enough for me to hear), but I did pick up on a lot of Appropriate/Inappropriate Music in the Background this week. We had Amy Winehouse’s ‘Love is a losing game’ playing as Fatboy told Poppy he’s split up with ‘his lady’. (Er, how could THAT tune even be remotely appropriate – or in keeping with – a Halloween party, aye?)

We also had the line, ‘A whole lot of lovin’ for a handful of nothing’ as Syed was trying to tell Christian he still loved him (and Christian just laughing at him), and the words ‘falling in love’ singing-out at the exact second Joey and Lauren had their full-on snog.

Then there was ‘Love me, love me, say that you love me’ as Derek was complaining to Max that Joey didn’t love him, respect him or call him ‘farver‘, and – finally – Kat squawking ‘Ooh, tha’ss ahr song,’ to Alfie as Elton John’s ‘Our Song’ came on the jukebox.

That was clearly a bit of a slip by a drunken Kat, as it’s her and her mystery (yeah, like it’s a mystery any more!) man’s song, but stupid Alfie didn’t realise. (Derek didn’t look too happy when she said it though … )


* What happened to that tin of money at the Masoods’? Did AJ use it to buy that bike? If so, why didn’t anyone go berserk at him for taking their last bit of cash, and if he didn’t, why couldn’t they have used it to pay Danny off?

* I’m sure AJ was going commando in Friday’s episode. ‘What makes you say that then, Jane?’ you ask. Ooh, I just had my suspicions in the scene where he was running toward Syed. (You’d need to go and have a proper look on iPlayer!)

* It’s like the Hokey Cokey with Sharon at the moment over this Lexi lark. She’s in, she’s out, she’s shaking them all about …

* Masood’s given up the Teaching Assistant thing then? He’ll hardly be a loss; he only went twice. (Another poor storyline: surely he’d have needed to have trained, and surely he couldn’t have just stopped going like that – without any notice?)

* “You don’t always get as much time as you think,” Max told Derek. Wot you sayin’ Max? Do you know something we don’t know? Ah, we DO though, don’t we? Derek’s not long for this world Soap, is he?

* Jack was on his mobile, trying to book a hotel. “We’re checking in tonight, yeah? I’ll get back to you ASAP on that, ok?” he said. Had he booked it (because you can’t book without a credit card these days), and if he hadn’t, then would they have said it was ok for him to check in?

* Notice how Lucy has a different ‘look’ in every episode (sometimes even during an episode)? Not just her hair; her whole face seems to look different. It’s very odd.

* I didn’t think much of Jacqueline Jossa when she replaced the old Lauren but I’ve really had a change of heart over the last few months and now have to say that I think she’s an excellent actress.

Got a comment on anything I’ve talked about this week? Tell me what YOU think in a comment below; tweet me before Wednesday afternoon or call in to ‘Jane’s Soapy Corner’ live on Tellyspy between 6.00-6.30 on Wednesday night so that I can put your points across to my listener on the show online!



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