Soap-y Corner – 24th July 2011

Emmerdale

I came 3rd in the Daz ‘Soap Blogger of the Year 2011’ awards this week. As I’ve only been Soap-blogging for 6 months, I’m very chuffed!

Wasn’t there a lot of drinking went on this week?  It’s hard to watch all that wine being necked (mostly by Ella), when you’re trying not to to have any yourself!  It was a relief to see that the worst thing to happen at Amy’s party was Belle having one too many though (gosh, hasn’t she grown up overnight?). Nice welcome to find on your doormat!  “I don’t know what you feed her, but she nearly burnt a hole in that carpet,” Vic told Lisa when she came to rescue her.

Ok, brace yourselves; I’m about to say something nice about Alex … Wasn’t he sweet to Belle at the party?  He gave her some sage advice (which she’ll no doubt ignore).  “Don’t bore yourself, you’ve got years for parties.” Ah, I’m softening!  Belle’s a real Dingle though.

Jared: “How old are you?”

Belle: “Who’s asking, perv?”  Straight to the point.  Such a good little actress.

Hannah & Jared - Emmerdale - Jane Reynolds' weekly 'Soap-y Corner' reviewLoving the threesome Victoria, Hannah and Amy.  They’re not quite Charity and Chas, but they are making me laugh a lot.  Poor Hannah.  She knows her weak spot (drinking too much and throwing herself at anything in trousers), and wanted to know just how bad she’d been the next morning.

Hannah: “Did I get emotional?”

Vic: “More Bitter and twisted.”

Val gave Amy a right dressing-down next morning too, and so she should.  Let’s hope Amy’s going to settle down now, but – oh no – what’s this?  That dodgy lad from the party’s blackmailing her for cash?  Where’s she going to find the money for that, then?  Oh dear, let me guess.  Yawn.  I hate blackmailing storylines in Soaps.  Come on Zac; go and tell him his future – and make it soon please.

It was enough to drain the colour from Amy’s cheeks when she saw Jared turn up, but not quite, unfortunately.  I’m transfixed by Amy’s make-up.  She’s got a bright orange face, but it just stops at her jawline – literally, and then her neck is white.  She’s a pretty girl; she doesn’t even need all that slap.

What a great entrance from the new girl Rachel.  Liking her.  She barged into the Dingles’.

Rachel: “The school Secretary’s a friend of mine.”

Debbie (unimpressed): “Oh good for you.  Is that it?”

Rachel (nodding towards a little girl): “Look at her.  Look at the state of her.”

Leyla: “She needs her hair brushing.  Apart from that, she looks alright.”

Rachel & Sam - Emmerdale - Jane Reynolds' weekly 'Soap-y Corner' reviewSam was modelling his usual vacant expression, and struggled to take it all in.  “I couldn’t even understand you, you talk that fast,” he tried to answer back.

Rachel: “Well, you wanna listen quicker then,”  she snapped!

Sam did sit down and ask Samson why he was being bullied. “They bully me because you wear a bright green checked shirt with a blue and white tie and a lemon-yellow tank top which is too big for you – all at the same time,” I think he said …

Someone who looked stunning this week was Ella in that black zip-up dress, but would anyone really wear a dress like that during the day in the Dales, in the middle of a British Summer?  She should go back to Singapore where it’s warm and she’d be able to have an al-fresco lunch without needing to nail her wine glass down.  Lucky they weren’t having afternoon tea, or the butterfly cakes would have flown off by themselves in that gale-force wind!

Why doesn’t Jacob want to go to Spain either, where it’s warm, sunny and surely a darn sight more appealing to a young lad than a village in the middle of nowhere?  Probably because Auntie Leyla’s credit card wouldn’t be going with him, I guess?  He says he’ll miss his mates.  We’ve certainly missed them.  I’ve never seen any of them come round to his for tea.

Paddy Rhona Marlon & Leo - Emmerdale - Jane Reynolds' weekly 'Soap-y Corner' reviewKids aye?  Paddy saw Leo and said “It’s amazing how quickly he’s changed.” I should say so.  It’s probably a different baby.  Soap children are swapped more often than Katie gets a new man!  Rhona said Paddy needed to bond more with the baby.  Shouldn’t be hard.  He’s certainly got a look of Paddy; same hair!

How sweet was it when Marlon saw Leo?  “Oh, my little boy, hello,” he coo-ed, with such emotion you’d have genuinely believed that WAS the first time he’d set eyes on him for weeks. It’s so touching to watch, and doesn’t even seem like Marlon’s acting.  He’s so affectionate towards him, you’d really think it was his own child he was talking to.  Adorable.

Mia said Katie was young enough to be Declan’s daughter.  She’s got a point there – age-wise.  Experience-wise, Katie’s got years on him!  As Betty commented: “Ooh, you do get around, don’t you love?”   She could do a lot worse than Declan though.  Mia was on the right track. “What exactly is it you see in my millionaire dad?” she asked her.

Money helps, because “You can’t always wait for a spark,” Chas explained in Katie’s defence.

Gennie: “You can if you’re choosy.”

Chas: “You calling me a slapper?”

Ella Declan & Mia - Emmerdale - Jane Reynolds' weekly 'Soap-y Corner' reviewAs usual, they all seem to have forgotten that Declan and Ella aren’t married, so he couldn’t be ‘Having an affair’ with Katie.  That’s been one hell of a strange carry-on, and although I’ll be sorry to see Ella go I’ve never bought-in to that ‘family’ at all.  I just hope Mia gets to find out about Adam though.  Hang on, it’s a Soap, of course she will!

PS Did you see that shirt Nicky had on?  Made me feel quite queasy.

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EastEnders

In Emmerdale this week the women were throwing wine down their necks. In EastEnders this week, the women were simply throwing themselves at men (except Denise, who – despite looking as if she was flirting with Ian – went berserk when he tried to kiss her on Friday).  I’m on Ian’s side here.  She certainly looked as if she was giving him the come-on to me.

Mind you, I don’t get out much.  A ‘Hello’ from the Security Guard on the way into Tesco had me hearing wedding bells this week.  Turns out they were testing the fire alarms …

Abi Branning - EastEnders - Jane Reynolds' weekly 'Soap-y Corner' reviewPoor Abi (or Scabbie as Lola called her!).  She did so well not to give in to Jay.  She’s not ready for sex, bless her.  He’d been really good about it till now, but I sense he was a little disappointed this week, and if Lola had hung around a bit longer I reckon she’d have been across that back seat of that car quicker than you could say ‘Chips,’ (which they wasted in favour of a snog earlier on, I noticed).  Kids, aye.  Got their priorities all wrong!

Janine’s party.  What was that all about?  Even though these things are completely far-fetched, they’re usually fun to watch, but this one was a bit too daft.  Ripping up plane tickets?  Come on; that’s just not believable – like that shade of lipstick Janine was wearing …

Ooh, ain’t Shirley butch?  She gave Rainie both barrels when she suspected she’d got drugs on her. She’s been so good at keeping off them, but it was only matter of time, wasn’t it?  I do hope she decides not to take them though.  “We shouldn’t have got a doorman, we should have got pest control,” Janine sneered as she watched everyone filing in.

She should have got a proper doorman too.  Ryan’s supposed to stop the drug-taking, not be selling them to people on the way in!  Someone have a word with him.  He should be ashamed of himself. I’ve always liked him, but he’s right off my Christmas card list now.

Thank God Kim was there to take my mind off it all.  She called Janine Janice too, so that made me laugh – as did this:

Ian (to Julie): “You nicked my drink?”

Julie: “It’s free, you muppet.”

Janine Ricky & Kim - EastEnders - Jane Reynolds' weekly 'Soap-y Corner' reviewJanice had a bit of a surprise at the end when Norman announced he was contesting the will.  Just how much is she supposed to have inherited anyway?  It was more of a surprise on Tuesday when he changed his mind. I can’t imagine anyone in ‘real life’ just deciding not to bother fighting for their share of a large amount of cash, can you?

Still, it was Pat who’d managed to persuade him that it was more important for Ricky and the kids to have the money, but Ricky refused; saying that love’s more important.  “Me and Bianca can give ’em that in bucket-loads,” he cried impassionately … er, as he stepped into a taxi and left for Dubai for six months.  As Bianca’s in prison too, it looks like that bucket’s going to have a bit of a hole in it!

Max and Tanya had a scare this week.  She thought she was pregnant.  “Whose is it?” Max asked.

Tanya & Max - EastEnders - Jane Reynolds' weekly 'Soap-y Corner' review“Shouldn’t be anyone’s,” she replied, “I’ve been on the pill.”  Ooh, the lies … Hey, why do women who’re sneakily taking the Pill always leave the packet in their handbags?  You’d think they’d put them somewhere a man would never find them – like the washing basket – wouldn’t you?

Wasn’t it funny when Tyler sprayed Poppy with the hose?  What a brilliant scream!  He should have turned it on Max and Tanya who (once-again this week), were melting our TV screens.  It’s just as well you can’t get pregnant from kissing another actor in a Soap, or she’d be having triplets by now!

My favourite lines this week were:

Mo: “Fat Elvis let you down?”

Mad Dog: “Ee’s on ‘oliday.”

Mo: “Anywhere nice?”

Mad Dog: “Wandsworth.  Six months,” and

Potty – sorry, Poppy: “Now I’m confused.”

Max: “Wouldn’t be the first time.”

Vanessa - EastEnders - Jane Reynolds' weekly 'Soap-y Corner' reviewPoor Vanessa.  I’ve been through it, and it’s painful to have to watch.  The worst part is when they’re either making you feel as if it’s you who’s going mad, or making you feel as if you’re the one in the wrong!  Tanya’s having guilty pangs, but it’s not stopping her from humiliating Vanessa by telling her bare-faced lies dressed-up as reassurance.  You know what they say though: “What goes around comes around … “

PS Did Janice say Bitch?  That’s Jerry in Emmerdale last week and now Janine in EastEnders this week. Odds-on someone’ll say it in Corrie next week!

PPS Why did Tanya walk in and tell Abi to leave the room to give her and Lauren ‘A minute’?  Why didn’t they just go into another room?  It’s a big enough house!

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