Soap-y Corner 3rd July 2011


Emmerdale Review - from Jane Reynolds' 'Soap-y Corner'The writers gave us a treat, with more laughs in the first half hour than in the whole of last week!  I defy anyone to not agree that is was a masterclass of comedy/soap writing.  The banter and one-liners were exquisite to watch, and even someone who hates Soaps couldn’t fail to acknowledge the quality of the content.  Val had a field day.

Val Pollard - Emmerdale. Jane Reynolds' 'Soap-y Corner'(To Di): “Don’t knock Eric, that’s my job.”

(Sarcastically to Jai): “And they say you’re the funny brother …”

Jai: “Who does?”

“No-one, now you come to mention it.

Amy: “We’re going to move!”

Val: “Well Eric can’t … because he’ll be dead!”

The jokes just kept on coming; in fact, I could just transcribe the whole Episode!  If you missed it (or want to watch it again), here’s the link:  EMMERDALE 27th JUNE 2011

The scenes with Chas, Gennie, Charity and Katie turned quickly from humour to a ‘Bitch-fest’.  My favourite lines were:

Gennie (on hearing Chas’s familiar ‘screech’ as she arrives):

“Eagle at the door,” and (to Chas): “I’m going for a wee. Try not to sleep with anyone while I’m gone.”

Mia Macey - Emmerdale. Jane Reynolds' 'Soap-y Corner'Lots of break-ups this week.  Mia’s moping around.  “What’s the point of you, Pops?” she replied witheringly, as her Granddad made a comment about her miserable face.  She’ll have a lot more to be upset about if (when?) she finds out about her mum’s ‘affair’.

 Ella & Adam - Emmerdale. Jane Reynolds' 'Soap-y Corner'Er, affair?  Declan’s “I celebrate our 20 year Anniversary with a party, you celebrate it with a 20-year-old boy.” (Sounds reasonable.  Plenty of people celebrate Anniversaries with a 20-year-old bottle of champers/wine …)  May I remind him (again), that they’re divorced!  Someone explain it to him please.

Charity was trying to find out who he was: “It’s not Nikhil, is it?”

Jai: “If it was, we’d be feeding him through a straw.”

Another relationship I won’t be saving up for a present for is Leyla and Hairy David’s.  He is SO under the thumb, I can’t see it being long before he gets fed up with it.  Get a haircut.  Might help you see you’re being henpecked mate.  Someone who needs to grow his hair is that Alex.

I don’t care to look at him, to be honest.  He reminds me of a (hairless) caveman – and not in a good way.  I’m one woman in that Village who he wouldn’t charm the pants off.

He seems to have all the local lasses in a lather (well, he’s ‘had’ nearly all of them already), and his latest conquest, Victoria, set up a honey-trap for him.  “You should have sent me round pet,” Val told her.  “I’d have had his trousers off in seconds.”  I reckon she would have too!

Gennie & Nik - Emmerdale. Jane Reynolds' 'Soap-y Corner'I was almost feeling sorry for Nikhil when Chas ended it with him.  “No matter how hard I try, they always end up dumping me,” he whined, (Huh. At least he gets a few partners; he should try my life!), but I soon changed my mind when he let rip at Gennie.  HOW horrible was that?

Chas sensed something was up.  “If she’s not following you around with her tongue hanging out, something’s definitely wrong,” she stated.

It’s ok though.  I’ve felt in my waters for months that they’ll get together, and I’ve got my tissues ready for that first kiss (aah!).  Laurel got Ashley; Gennie’ll get her man; mark my words.

Why’s the cafe not doing ‘proper’ food any more?  Working people (I use that term loosely as there’s rarely any work gets done in that Village), don’t want paninis, they want a proper bacon butty.  It’s a Yorkshire Village, not Dulwich Village!

My other favourite One-liners this week are:

Sam: “Brian Cox; he’s from Oldham.”

Declan: “Yeah.  Him and Bobby Ball.  Kind of evens it out.”

Diane (to Val): “Why the ugly face?”

Val (correcting her): “Long.”

Diane: “AND ugly.  Double blow.”

PS Nice envelope-opening Bob … it wasn’t actually sealed!

PPS Andy and Alicia moving to Spain.  “There’s loads of farming jobs there,” Andy told her.  Er, I thought Spain was worse off than us for unemployment?  I’m all for it though – as long as they take Jacob with them.


EastEnders Review - from Jane Reynolds' 'Soap-y Corner'Did they pick David Essex because he’s David Essex, or because he’s got a ‘look’ of Michael (which he certainly has)?  Can’t say his new son Tyler looks much like his dad, but he’s definitely Michael’s brother.  See how he had his top button done up on his polo shirt (well, when he actually had any clothes on, that is!)?  It’s definitely in the genes.

Tyler’s another ‘Cheeky Chappie’, and looks as if he’s going to fit right in. He’s a confident and engaging young man (“Ooh, young ma-an!”), and he’s got a great connection with Alfie.

Kat & Alfie - EastEnders. Jane Reynolds' 'Soap-y Corner'Ah, Alfie … and Kat.  So nice to see them back on-screen this week.  I know I keep going on about how good they are together, but they are, and she’s just so … mesmerising!  I don’t know what it is she’s got, but somebody should give her a prize for it!

Not sure Shirley’s grasped the concept of ‘Manager’. There’s a great long queue at the counter and she’s just sat there giving Carol Baby Evils.  That’s what you want from a boss: a real ‘hands-on’ approach.  What’s Shirley playing at anyway – treating Carol like that?

Phil (about Shirley): “I’ve created a monster.”

Shirley: “I’m not giving you any of the credit.”

Ian wasn’t too pleased that Jane had sold the Caff to Phil, but didn’t get the response he wanted when he tried to appeal to his better (!) nature.

Ian (turning to Carol desperately): “Carol; sum up this place in one word.”

Carol: “Grease.”

Shirley - EastEnders. Jane Reynolds' 'Soap-y Corner'Shirley was pretty mean to Rainie too.  Didn’t Rainie look smart in the caff on Monday?  She had ‘my’ jacket on again.  I can sympathise with her though. It’s only that she’s jealous of Rainie (and who can blame her with Phil’s track record?), but she doesn’t half go to extremes sometimes!  I SO don’t want this to be the end of Rainie.

Let’s talk about Michael.  “Woss ‘is game then, aye?”  You know I don’t like to read ‘spoilers’, but unfortunately, I’ve seen a magazine cover with ‘Will Michael kill Ronnie?” on it.  I thought he fancied her.  Got that one wrong! I’ve been impressed with the scenes between Michael and his dad this week.  It’s really felt ‘real’

Loving Tanya’s affair (apart from the fact that it’s Max she’s eating alive).  She’s laughing-away and looking as if she’s really enjoying herself, but it’s a bit tough on old Greg, isn’t it?  The ink’s barely dry on the Marriage Certificate.

Cripes.  Ronnie laughed this week … more than once … and not just something barely less than a grimace, but a full-blown belly laugh.  I didn’t know she had it in her, and – I’m sorry, but I can’t cope with it.  Just as well she’s leaving; it’s quite un-nerving me.

Frank Butcher - EastEnders. Jane Reynolds' 'Soap-y Corner'Made me laugh though when she said to Roxy (about Jack having gone to visit Tommy): “What if he’s lying about something else?”  Er, pot, kettle?  This from the woman who swapped her baby and kept up the pretence for months.  Clearly a case of memory-loss to add to her list of symptoms.

LOVED Frank’s picture with its face kicked in – and the fact that Janine still took it to Billy’s with her.  “You Pilchard!”

Did you hear Tiffany with the latest version of her name?  “Ja-MEAN.”

PS The perfume Michael gave Roxy wasn’t sealed, and you wouldn’t go spraying it all over the place if you were supposed to be taking it back, would you?

PPS Jack told all the Brannings to get round to his place.  Er, what time Jack?  You didn’t actually say …


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