If you’re outside the UK, here’s a link to be able to watch UK TV programmes: bit.ly/oVMz60
The X Factor
Saturday morning: There’s a load of stuff in the papers/Twitter about an X Factor crisis. Falling ratings and some of the talentless wannabees out partying like they’ve already hit the big time. In their own tiny minds they think they have, but if I were them I’d have probably considered spending the week practising so that I didn’t get voted off.
Frankie’s been the worst offender, from what I’ve read. If what I’ve said so far is true, he’ll get through again tonight – despite proving last week that he simply can’t sing. And herein lies the problem.
John Adams – the certain winner – was quietly removed (for having complained about the treatment of Welsh people on the show), and Kitty went through in place of Jade. That was where it all went wrong.
The judges are now praising and hyping-up really poor performances, and there’s barely one of them who’d be a worthy winner. Charlie from The Risk could win if he was solo, or a couple of the girls, but unless they ditch some of the bad actsthey’ll be losing even more viewers. Let’s see what happens …
Sunday morning: Twitter was hilarious last night. Here’s three of my favourites:
janegarvey1 Jane Garvey: Dermot’s suit is all wrong. It fits him
Hilary_W Hilary: I can’t decide between watching X Factor or drinking this pint of bleach. OH WAIT YES I CAN GLUGGLUGGLUG. Dies.
LittleMuvva Sandi Smith: I’d like kitty to come to my house and sing thru my nose
The judges suddenly turned on each other (genuine? I think not), and it was disappointing to hear them one-again gushing over such dire performances.
They almost all sang flat (especially Sophie), and poor Sami clearly hated having to sing yet-another ‘Cruise Ship’ staple. If Frankie survives tonight, I’ll not be best pleased!
Sunday: Sami and Kitty’s ‘sing off’ produced the two best performances of the weekend. Sophie (someone who I wouldn’t be able to pick out if she was the only person in the room until she started singing – out of tune), got through, yet Sami went.
Louis failed her. He never wanted her there anyway, and it was obvious he would choose Kitty (despite saying she didn’t connect with the public). Sami wasn’t happy; you could see that as she walked off. I hope she makes a living from her singing in the future. She had a powerful voice, great personality AND she sang in tune.
If it’s about the ‘X’ Factor, then Sami has far more of that than Sophie or Craig. If it’s about singing, why is Frankie still there? He should be ashamed of his behaviour last night. I’d watched because this Series looked as if it was going to be about the talent. Now – it seems – it’s not. I shan’t be watching next week.
(The X Factor ITV1 Saturday/Sunday around 8.00 pm)
Come Dine With Me
This week’s Episodes – while entertaining – were the opposite. They all-but came out with the line, “I’m available for Panto; just call my Agent!” When Bobby Davro whipped his trousers off (as he did most nights), and bent down to reveal either his thong, ‘shlong’ or backside to the camera, it’s a wonder he didn’t have the number tattooed across it.
You couldn’t have had a week of more blatant self-promotion if you’d tried. Aah, it was a happy/sad moment to see Lesley Joseph waltzing into Dove’s butcher’s in Northcote Road and being served by Bob. That was where I used to get meat for the family when I was a Housekeeper, and I was down there most Saturday mornings nice and early (so that I didn’t have to queue for half an hour), then would buy bread from the Artisan Bakery opposite and delicious salads from my favourite market stall, before going for coffee and a quick read of the Daily Mail.
Now I just sit here every weekend writing this blog! Sorry, I digress. Just reminiscing there, as it’s 8.30 am Saturday as I write this; exactly the time I’d have been in Dove’s. Lesley was thrilled that her meal was as good this time as it was bad last time (the meringue for her pavlova looked the best I’ve ever seen on a TV programme – sticky and chewy), but the whole Titanic thing just got very silly towards the end (although I did laugh at Wayne Sleep crying, “I’m drowning, I’m drowning,” and Bobby replying, “Quick, someone throw him a buoy!”
Lesley was a worthy winner, but I hope it goes back to normal next week. (Oh dear. There’s a new Series of Four in a Bed starting on C4 on Monday. Can I spare the time to watch it?)
(Come Dine With Me Channel 4 Mon-Fri 5.30-6.00 & an hour’s Episode Fridays 8.00-9.00 pm)
I sat through Friday’s Episode (well, fast-forwarded most of it – I’ve already seen every plate of food they’ve cooked at least 20 times now, thanks), and just watched the last couple of minutes before plating-up. Well, I DID, but had to turn the sound off.
WHAT was that ridiculous music? That was the worst/loudest/most OTT of the Series, and was replaced by the horrible and unnecessary drone that goes on while they’re being judged. Having sat through all that (Phil’s food looked to die for), they said they’d be announcing the winner on … Saturday. Er, hello? Why?
Saturday’s show proved to be yet-another chance to see every plate of food they’d created, and barely a moment was left at the end to announce Phil Vickery as the winner. There was no contest really. I’d have devoured everything he made, and the fact that he was an ‘amateur’ made it all the more remarkable. A truly worthy winner. (I wish I’d put that bet on him!)
(Celebrity MasterChef BBC 1 Mon-Fri 2.15-3.00, Friday 8.30-9.00)
A new Series of Young Apprentice starts on Monday. Thank goodness. I can’t get through a week without some sort of Apprentice-type show. There’ll be a review here next week. (Young Apprentice BBC1 9.00 pm Monday)
Mary Queen of Frocks all ended happily (what a surprise!), as she achieved great sales, despite all her best-sellers being out of stock. She was seen walking in and asking why. How come she didn’t know? How come nobody told her? How come nobody did anything?
Mary’s been quick to criticise other retailers for having supply issues. It seems inconceivable to me that you’d launch a range but not have enough of what appeared to have been clearly singled-out as your key item (a dress called Aurora), but hey, I’m just a customer who – on the rare occasion I go to buy clothes – will find that on a rail of 30 identical pairs of size 12 trousers there’ll be won’t be a single pair of ‘Long’. How does this happen in this day and age? Ooh, don’t get me started …
If you like this blog I’m sure you’ll already be the sort who watches Harry Hill’s TV Burp, (which takes a sideways look at the pick of the week’s ‘quirky’ and funny side of TV/Soapland). TV Burp’s a bit like a visual version of my Soapy Corners!
(TV Burp ITV1 Saturday 7.15 pm + many repeats on ITV2 during the week)
I’ve been banging-on for ages about Series 8 of Curb Your Enthusiasm. Tonight’s Episode apparently features Ricky Gervais as a ‘more pompous version of himself’ (is there such a thing?). I hope Larry tears him to shreds. Now that’s GOT to be worth watching, surely?
(Curb Your Enthusiasm More4 Sunday 11.05 pm)
Jeremy Vine’s Radio 2 Series Sounds of the 20th Century (which is a glorious hour of nothing but soundbites charting the significant music and events of every year from 1951 to 2000), is at 1980 this week. Each week it becomes relevant to more and more people, and I guarantee it’ll bring those memories flooding back in a flash. It’s a truly wonderful hour of history/nostalgia, and not to be missed.
(Sounds of the 20th Century Radio 2 10.00 pm every Thursday, and available on BBC iPlayer)
I’m so far behind on my Radio listening that I’d missed the return of Inspector Steine in The Return of Inspector Steine this week. It’s a comedy crime caper about innefectual Police in Brighton in the 1950’s and Mrs Groynes their tea lady master criminal (who they’ve no idea is actually a master criminal!).
(The Return of Inspector Steine Radio 4 11.30 am Monday)