Another week of confessions in 'Emmerdale-y'

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Missing kids; meddling kids, little kids and unborn kids. No kidding. Who’s the daddy? Whose daddy? Who knows!

PriyaEmmerdaleWhat a relief to find that Jake never got any further than the Sharma’s kitchen cupboard. The police would never have found him there. Priya, however, is a lot smarter than they are, and it didn’t take her long to smoke him out.

She’s been really sweet to Jakey (despite ‘Hairy David’ and Alicia having been so worried that she’d tell him who his real mum was), and I reckon she’ll make a great mum someday (soon)?

It’s just a pity that Jake couldn’t keep her secret though. No sooner had Noah told him than he scuttled back home and spilled the beans, but HD had only himself to blame for not having told Alicia straight away.

What a dilemma though: finding that your ex is pregnant but knowing that your new partner can’t have children. Alicia’s encouraged him to fight to stop Priya having an abortion, but when you see what some of the other kids in the village have been up to this week you’d wonder why anyone would even want a baby. Even if you DO have a baby in Emmerdale, chances are it’ll be to someone you don’t want it to be to and will already be giving you a bucketload of stress.

David’s dilemma. It’s all too much for his brain to cope with!

Look at HD: he was worried sick (and his baby’s not even the size of his pea-sized brain yet), and Rachel caught him at a bad moment:

DavidEmmerdale“Can I have these cheap because they’re past their ‘sell by’?” she enquired.

“Yeah, whatever,” he muttered distractedly.

“Don’t ‘whatever’ me when I’m doing you a favour,” she cried indignantly.

“Alright; gobby!” he screeched (comically).

I laughed out loud at that bit, but HD’s not the only one with things on his mind; Rachel’s got problems too, and it’s been another week of confessions as she felt compelled to finally tell Sam who Archie’s real father was. I’m not sure she needed to have bothered though. Sam wouldn’t have twigged if the kid had popped out with ‘I’m Jai’s son’ tattooed across his forehead.

SamEmmerdale“They should have told him straight away,” he pointed out when he found out about Jake.

“I guess it’s easy to say when it’s not you,” Rachel replied cryptically, to which his response was: “Eh?” See. Clueless!

Sam might only be intellectually qualified to join the Emmerdale police force, but it’s unusual for Charity not to have picked up on Jai’s unhealthy interest in all things Archie (as her radar’s usually always set to ‘high alert’), but it’s going to be ‘moyderrr‘ when she does find out.

The ‘Hunter’ became the prey!

DressIt was Rodney’s turn to get found out this week though. Poor Rodders. He was only masquerading as a Hunter-gatherer to try and keep Georgia in dinners and carrier bags, but was caught in plain sight in the Woolie as his date for the evening showed up in a dress that can best be described as ‘unusal’.

I’m no fashion expert, but that outfit defies description. It reminded me of that episode of ‘Fawlty Towers’ where Basil put black handprints on that girl’s boobs! If that dress was a roll of wallpaper it’d be on the wall at Declan’s.

Great plan, Megan

Ah, Deccers. He looks to be another step closer to getting the Hotel deal sorted this week but he’s already got an unwelcome guest. I really don’t think he’s grasped the concept of being a hotelier. In a hotel people are supposed to pay you to stay, but he’s paid Katie to leave.

DeclanEmmerdaleEven going for a coffee did nothing to improve his mood.

“What can I get you?” Bob asked him cheerfully.

“Don’t tempt me,” he grunted, scowling down at Katie.

Declan might have been contemplating murder (where’s your friendly, neighbourhood serial killer when you need them?), but Megan had a better idea: “Shall I just push you off a tall building and have done with it?” she suggested helpfully.

That’s not a bad idea (she could claim on the insurance then get the decorators straight in), but could she take a couple of others there up with her; namely Gemma and ‘Gobby Gabby’, please?

Gobby’s a little witch, but is her mother too?

IMG_2385Honestly. What is it with these pesky kids? (Half term was last week; you’d have thought they’d have all been too busy doing their homework to have time to go round causing trouble!)

Gobby’s antics have given us some very funny scenes between Bernice, Jimmy and Nicola this week, and led to Jimmy thinking that Bernice had the hots for him. Needless to say, Nico didn’t believe it, and once they sorted it all out, Nico asked her sister to stay. She had her reasons:

“You can’t go until Jimmy’s stopped limping about the place. You’re the only one who shows him any sympathy,” she explained. Aah, such devotion!

IMG_2384Bernice seems to have gone from ‘diva’ into Mrs Doubtfire over the space of a couple of weeks (even ironing Jimmy’s boxers!), but it’s easy to see how she’s managing to be a ‘domestic goddess’: magic powers.

Remember Bewitched? Bernice even looks like Samantha … and has the same name in real life too. Spooky. Yes. One minute she was behind the bar discussing bras in pockets (isn’t that the line from a Pretenders song?!) with Jimmy, but when he left to hurry home, she was coming down the stairs as he walked in. Now that’s clever!

Kerry puts her foot in it

IMG_2389Less clever (and about twenty years too late), Kerry’s attempt to be a devoted mother to Amy – as usual – fell flat on its face this week – although it was Kerry who firstly nearly fell off her heels (walking up Joanie’s step), then fell right on top of a policeman – which got the pair of them arrested.

Yelling, “Oy. Come out here, you baby-snatching grass,” probably isn’t the best opening gambit when you’re trying to open delicate negotiations either, is it? Who cares though. I just love Kerry.

Joanie said one of the most haunting lines I’ve ever heard to Amy this week though. “Kyle doesn’t care. Fireman Sam means more to him than you do.”

The truth’s hard to hear, pet

IMG_2376It’s true. As adults, we think that children think the same way as us. They don’t. Children possess that wonderful ability (that we’re all born with) to simply ‘live in the moment’ and haven’t yet learned to obsess over the past/the future like adults do, and Amy really doesn’t mean anything to him right now.

If I was Amy I would feel as passionately as she does though. It was different when he had parents, but a woman of Joanie’s age really isn’t the best person to be raising a toddler single-handedly. It’s not about love, it’s about physically being able to cope with the demands of a small/growing child.

Ooh, I’m getting all philosophical. Quick. Let’s have our Grins of The Week!

Hairy David: “Is that for you?” (a pregnancy testing kit)

Priya: “No, it’s for my dad.”

IMG_2387Nicola: “Why would she start planting bras in your clothes?”

Jimmy: “Ha ha … she fancies me (of course)! You do.”

Nicola: “I wouldn’t go that far.”

Vanessa (morosely): “You’re never too old to suffer for love.”

Chas: “Thanks Vanessa. Very uplifting. You can come again (!)”

Val: “Bob. Give us one of those chocolate cakes for when they find Jake.”

Diane: “How’s that going to help?”

Val: “Well, he’s bound to be peckish when he turns up.”

Diane: “So it’s a ‘Sorry your mum’s your auntie’ cake?”

Bernice: “Gobby’s at a difficult age.”

Nicola: “Seems to be lasting a while.”

Megan: “Thought of any ways to squeeze Declan dry?”

Katie: “Yeah, cos that’s all I do, isn’t it? Just sit around and think of ways to screw him. Financially speaking, of course.”

Bernice&DianeBernice: “I don’t even feel safe in my own home.”

Diane: “Nicola’s home.”

Policeman: “I’m arresting you for assault.”

Kerry: “You’re in the wrong job, you. You should be a footballer if you think THAT was assault!”

I think we need to have a special Foot in Mouth Award this week for Pearl with this ‘Pearl of wisdom’ (not!) from/at the reopening of the Wookpack:

Bloodpic copyDiane: “We’re back!”

 Pearl: “All guns blazing.” Oops!


* The Woolie’s just been redecorated, but I don’t think they’d want this picture up on the wall. It looks like a load of blood dribbling down a canvas!

* It looked as if a bear was loose in the village for a moment, but luckily it was only Val’s coat!

DavidMrDarcy* If HD ever left Emmerdale he’d be a shoe-in for any up-coming period drama. He looks as if he’s stepped straight out of a Jane Austen novel here. It’s a good look; very brooding.

* Rodney suggested that they used his old fairground trunk instead of a suitcase. Can you take a trunk on a plane? They’d look a bit funny carrying it!

IMG_2346* Wasn’t Halloween last week? Moira looks as if she’s having a right go on Cain’s neck.

* Bob and Brenda were out for the evening. Where were the kids, and who was looking after Jake when Alicia and HD were in the pub? He wasn’t with Noah.

* Dom said that Gemma had never done anything as bad as throw a brick through a window before. Er, yes she has. She’s a right little troublemaker.

* Just imagine if every secret got spilled as quickly as Jacob did with Priya’s: there’d be some very short story lines!

Framed3* There were three shots this week that looked as if we were looking at a TV within our TV:



All through windows:



I’ve tried to get them all on one line (and get the text where I want it, but WordPress (or me) is too stupid to be able to do something so simple!



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