'Emmerdale-y' – 6th November 2011

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Debbie: “I want to spend the rest of my life with Cameron.”

I give it six weeks – tops. There’s nothing like a big declaration (“This is going to be a great Christmas,” “What could go wrong?” etc), to ensure that the opposite will happen, and Debbie and Andy’s fake relationship is only going to end one way.

Cameron - Emmerdale - Jane Reynolds' weekly 'Emmerdale-y' reviewDebbie’s been fantastic this week, but my heart goes out to Cameron. Here is a man who you really believe IS watching his relationship fall apart in front of his eyes, and his passionate performance has been gripping. Mind you; I’ve commented before on how much he seems to enjoy kissing Debbie and – of course – he was planning on them having their own baby, so I can understand how upset he must be feeling.

Another relationship heading south is the Barton’s. Moira started the week arguing with John about not spending enough time together and then not having enjoyed it when they did go out.

John: “It was my idea to go out in the first place.”

Moira: “You took me to where I work.”

She’s got a point John. He had a point too though, when he shouted “If you spent half as much time helping as you did picking fights, we’d all be fine.” Ooh, I can see both sides here!

Moira used every cross word as an excuse to storm out and be used and abused by Cain. (I once worked with a woman who was … let’s just say, ‘Not that particular’ in her choice of boyfriends. She came into work one Monday morning and said, “I’ve been used and abused – but I’m happy.”)

Cain & Moira - Emmerdale - Jane Reynolds' weekly 'Emmerdale-y' reviewI digress. Moira’s conscience almost gets the better of her every time … but not quite. “Do you think this is what I want?” she gasped incredulously to Cain (before getting down to it with him – again). Er, yes. Certainly looks like it! She confided in Diane. “I’m just having sex with a man I detest. So what kind of a tart does that make me?”

Guess she doesn’t detest him that much, as she was rolling in the hay with him on Monday, and at the moment he kissed her, the grinding song playing in the background just happened to hit the line ‘I want you so bad.’ Ooh, a blatant case of Appropriate/Inappropriate music in the background there! Also blatant (to me, anyway!), was Schubert’s The Trout quintet playing in the background as Charity endured lunch with her new, prospective Mother-In-Law (or was it because they had fish pie?).

New Parents - Emmerdale - Jane Reynolds' weekly 'Emmerdale-y' reviewHmm. The new parents. Georgia has hit the ground running as an old trout, but nice as he seems, Rishi (the father), is really mis-cast; far too short, and completely the wrong build to have sired two tall, lithe sons like Nik and Jai. Oh, pointless Priya‘s back too. That’s a shame. She’s SO annoying (as a teenager would say), and really doesn’t ‘bring’ anything to the show.

Will she be Cain’s next conquest though? He was chatting her up in the pub but she turned him down (for now).

Cain: “Had a better offer?”

Priya: “No. Just not a worse one.”

Nikhil’s frustration over Gennie’s really getting him down, so he decided on a night out with David. “We should get out of here and … you know … pounce.”

David: “Pounce?”

Nik: “Like lions on gazelles, raarh.” (feebly!)

David & Nikhil - Emmerdale - Jane Reynolds' weekly 'Emmerdale-y' reviewThe whole thing with David and Nikhil this week has been very funny. They’re a great double act. The scenes in the club with the two girls were hilarious, as David got drunk and they both sat there banging-on about the women they loved. “I reckon it’s going really well,” David (thought he’d whispered to Nik, but had shouted)! The girls soon got tired of it.

Jess: “Shall we?” (leave)

Stef: “God, yeah.” Both Thursday’s Episodes were great writing by Sarah Bagshaw.

Gennie & Nikhil - Emmerdale - Jane Reynolds' weekly 'Emmerdale-y' reviewGennie had got back from her course, and when Nikhil arrived at the Factory Georgia asked him why he hadn’t been there for lunch. “I had a meeting with a client,” he replied. “Gennie knew all about it.”

“No I didn’t,” she corrected him quietly. Oh, it’s going to be fantastic when he finally kisses her. I absolutely cannot WAIT, and I suspect this whole week’s going to be a cracker. Emmerdale really has had some terrific writing/storylines this year. It’s been totally gripping.

Alicia - Emmerdale - Jane Reynolds' weekly 'Emmerdale-y' reviewAaron gets a Good Drinking from a Mug Award this week, and we’ve got the Chest Olympics going on at the moment too, with Moira at it last week and Alicia now putting in her best performance – vying for a Gold Medal. They’re both going to need to get them covered up soon though – what with Winter coming!

Here’s my Grins of the Week:

Chas (to Nik) “Wow. You like your gossip precise, don’t you girlfriend?”

Gennie: “I can’t turn up with ‘bed face’. I’ll bring shame on the North!”

Stef (as Nik goes to the loo): “You two boys had an argument?”

David: “No. He’s gone for a – for a minute.”

Cain (to Nicky about Nik): “Our Sarah’s ‘ad ‘im in a fight.”

Di: “Nothing an early night and a bottle of wine won’t cure.”

Chas: “I try that every night, but nothing’s any different when I wake up.” (Tell me about it!)

Nicky (to Pearl, about Edna/her dog): “What a belter. She should be in a show. Tootsie, I mean.”

PS Charity threatening Nik that she’d strain a teabag through her knickers? That’s a bit racy for 7.00 on a Thursday evening, isn’t it? There’s a lot of guys who’d pay good money for that!

Chas - Emmerdale - Jane Reynolds' weekly 'Emmerdale-y' reviewPPS LOVED how when Nickhil pointed Chas out to his parents in the pub, she just happened to cackle like an old witch!

PPPS David won’t have a business left soon (if he and Alicia don’t stop closing the shop every five minutes), and neither will Declan, as one minute he’s telling Nicola to tell his Architect to ‘get a helicopter’ to get to him sooner, then the next minute about to cancel a meeting so that he could talk to Katie. Nice to see you’ve got your priorities right Deckers.

PPPPS I hate it when someone kisses their partner and they ask them, “What’s that for/in aid of?”

PPPPPS Can you believe Katie made that creep Nicky bacon butties? No, nor me. I’d have grilled his ‘butties’ to a crisp if he’d tried to soft-soap me like that!

Fancy reading a juicy chick-lit/lesbian romance all rolled into one? Try my novel “Just Good Friends?” (It’s almost as hot as Cain and Moira!)   CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFO

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