Monday started off with so many great one-liners I had to keep pausing my recording to get them all written down. I guess they wanted to give us a good old dollop of humour to start us off with a smile because they knew that was going to be pretty-much it for the week. Here's my favourites:
Debbie to Lizzie: "Who would do that to someone else's child – pierce their ears?"
Lizzie: "I suppose it depends on whether you like the child or not, really."
Andy: "I can't believe she's six already."
Cain: "Yeah. Six years ago since you knocked up our Deb."
Alicia: "Come on Jacob. Find Sarah and give her your present."
Debbie: "Aw, what is it? A voucher for a tattoo?"
Then in the pub:
Moira to Ella: "Don't flatter yourself love. He's a 19-year-old boy. He'd cop off with a pot plant if it had breasts and winked at him." It was a great start to the week, and then …
Once again, Emmerdale's Actors put in jaw-dropping performances as Jackson finally ended his life. Hazel and Aaron were amazing, but what I found more amazing was how people reacted to it. I'm sorry, but I really cannot believe that Paddy – the softest, most even-handed man in the world – would have behaved in such an angry and unreasonable manner.
It was SO out of character, and it really took the edge off it for me. I also can't believe that the Police would have questioned Hazel and Aaron in such an aggressive way. It was a mercy killing. They were doing nothing to try and disguise what had happened. They rang the Police straight away, for God's sake, so why the need for such a threatening interrogation?
Ok, I know it's a Soap – and that they'll all 'Come Round' in the end – but I truly do not believe that their friends and family would have reacted in that way. Never mind that they were in shock. If Hazel and Aaron had tried to hide it, then it would have been perfectly understandable for people to have been suspicious and angry, but they didn't, AND they've got the evidence to prove it on the PC.
Anyway … it brought Chas and Carl together, so that's ok. They make a great couple and I hope they'll get back together now and actually get married, although I'm not happy about how Chas is taking it all out on Hazel either, and at how Cain's done his Angel/Devil thing again by being so supportive of Aaron and then going straight round and threatening to knock Carl's block off!
What's going on with Ashley? Had he been painting or something, as he'd got this big white streak across the front of his hair. It's been so long since we've seen him, maybe he's just going grey and we just hadn't noticed.
PS I forgot to mention the new 'Feeme Toone' last week. I know everyone's always up in arms whenever Soaps make any sort of a change, but what's wrong in this case, is that you can't actually 'sing to it' any more. What's the point of a tune you can't hum along to? Strange. The logo's a bit odd too. As if someone's stuck a bit of tape over the screen to use until the new one's ready!
PPS Why can't I drink as much as Ella but still be as stick-thin?
Mo: "Her daughter's being done for attempted murder."
Carol: "Er, GBH with intent, if you don't mind."
Eddie: "What did she do – nudge someone?"
Mo: "They're a very agressive family." Great writing!
More faairmily stuff this week, as Janine appears to be genuinely bonding with her Granny. It's the first time we've ever seen this side to her (assuming it's genuine of course, as we all know she's false as a glass eye normally), and it's really rather sweet. Why does she sound as if she's losing her voice the whole time lately though? Have you noticed how gravelly she sounds – as if she's on 60-a-day! And did you see that outfit she was wearing on Tuesday? It looked as if she'd gone out in her nightie. Mind you, that would explain the sore throat I guess …
Another one whose gear defies explanation is Roxie. I'm no fashion icon ('Dragged through a hedge several times' best describes my usual look), but I'd still rather wear my old stuff than go round in some of her outfits. I also want to grab Michael and undo that top button of his as it just makes him look like a lanky streak of … (add your own ending to that!) Sort it 'aaht Michael, son. Him and Roxy make a right old pair. Posh and Becks they ain't!
Never mind that though; hold the front page. Ronnie not only smiled, but actually laughed this week. I thought I was hallucinating for a moment and had to wind it back to be sure, but yep; it was definitely a laugh. No wonder Michael reckons he picked the wrong sister. Crikey. How horrible was he to Roxy at the end of Friday's Episode though, aye? I said I'd never liked him. Pig.
Back to clothes for a mo. I wouldn't even dare wear most of Kat's outfits to a fancy dress party, but it doesn't matter what she's got on; she's just the complete centre of attention when she's on-screen. I know I've said it before, but I can't take my eyes off her. She's got such 'presence' it's absolutely magnetic, and doesn't that baby get cuter by the week too? Kat and Alfie are just such great characterrs, and clearly devoted to each other; I really miss it when they're not on.
Max – on the other hand – doesn't seem to know the meaning of the word 'devoted' as he continues to push Vanessa aside in favour of Tanya. I can understand why he's drawn to Tanya (she just oozes sex appeal), but if I were Vanessa I'd be jolly glad to see the back of him.
How does he even manage to attract so many women? I wouldn't give him the time of day. He's not my cup of tea at all, and I wish Tanya would tell him to 'Do one,' as they don't make a pair at all – in my book – but I guess she'll give in to him in the end.
I'd want to see his Bank Account first though, as he never does any work so I can't imagine how on earth he manages to afford to pay his mortgage, Council Tax, Vanessa's Hairdressing bills etc …