It's been an 'Ella-va' week this week. It's ironic that the strapping young lad she's been cavorting with's called Adam, as Adam was the first man to be tempted by a woman's charms, and men have been at it ever since – although it's a bit harsh of Ella to make him finish with her daughter just to punish him. 'Miaow' (Mia … ow). Just realised that as I was typing it!
All that carry-on with Ella and Declan in the Hotel was SO far-fetched, and (as I've pointed out before), you can't – technically – have an affair if you're not married to someone. Apparently Ella slept in the 'spare' room, but in a house like that I doubt it was really any sort of hardship for her.
No spare room needed for Marlon. He just jumped straight into Paddy's side of the bed. I'd have been more than a little peeved if I were Paddy, but – on the other hand – he is behaving like a prat, so a lot of it really is his own fault.
I hope Rhona hasn't gone, gone. I like her character very much, and she's been so convincing as a new, frazzled mum. It's bad enough trying to deal with a new baby without having two grown men behaving like a couple of teenagers to contend with too. Paddy just doesn't 'get' it though, does he?
Paddy (about Rhona): "She wanted me to be honest."
Chas: "Duh, no! That means tell us what we want to hear, not blurt out every thought you've ever 'ad."
I love Chas (and loved seeing Charity's caring side over Debbie's miscarriage this week), but she's SO mean to Hazel, isn't she? Trouble is, nobody does 'catty' as well as Chas, so I mustn't moan!
It's for the best that Debbie had the miscarriage. I'm not convinced by this relationship and reckon she could do a lot better. How can Cameron afford all those flights anyway; he's barely earning. His boys were good little actors though. Bored, sullen, grunting … spot-on 'young-boy' behaviour!
Eric's business must be doing bloody well too, if he can afford an '11' plate Land Rover and a Barn Conversion. He must be charging a hell of a markup on his wines!
Chas passed up Nik's offer of a nice meal out in Leeds in favour of pepperoni pizza this week. What's wrong with these women? If someone offered to take me out for dinner in Leeds (or even a coffee!), I'd have me lippie on and be out the door before you could say 'Where do you fancy?"
It was Aaron's turn to say one of my favourite 'Soap-y' lines this week: "Wind your neck in," to Chas. Poor boy. What's wrong with everyone? He DIDN'T murder Jackson! The video confession, the video in the Church … what more evidence do the Police need: Jackson to float through the interview room wall and sign an affidavit for them? For goodness sake. It's making me cross now!
I was moved to tears by Hazel's acting in the Church. When she cried out, it felt so real it set me right off. I don't want her to leave. Please, please put her with Bob in the cafe. They'd make a great couple and she's a lot funnier than Brenda.
What was all that stuff about mugs this week? Is Brenda's sudden scatty/rude behaviour the start of some sort of storyline (where she ends up getting fired for constantly upsetting the customers and has to leave?), because I can't for the life of me understand where this sudden character transformation has come from, and it's just not a bit convincing – sorry.
Here's a conversation-starter for work (or a BBQ if the sun ever comes out): if you could make a recording to be played back after your death, what would you say? Would you dare tell the people you'd hated (or who'd hurt you), just how you'd felt about them? Discuss …
"Christian. I think he puts it on you know. Nobody's that gay." Does she not watch TV, or listen to Alan Carr's Saturday show on Radio 2?
Lots of the Masoods etc this week. Phil said to Shirley: "I hear the curry mob are having a party later. They're everywhere," and she replied "They think they own the square." I was a bit surprised to actually hear a line like that in this 'PC' age, but it's certainly felt more like an Episode of Goodness, Gracious Me than EastEnders at times this week!
Even on his daughter's wedding day though, the creepy Doctor still turned up dressed all in black. That's not right, is it? Family gatherings always provide an opportunity to dredge up a few long-lost relatives and this was no exception – yawn – but thank goodness Kim was there to relieve the tedium.
Now there's a girl guaranteed to liven up any event, and she single-handedly provided my comedy 'fix' (in a very lean week), with lines like "It's like Romeo and Juliet – but wiv an 'appy endin," and "Listen. Hen do. Hindu. It's a Hindu hen-do, innit?!"
And did you see the glass she gave the red wine to the creepy Doctor's snobby sister-in-law in? Great touch! (There's another one who blew her five minutes of fame by the way …), and the face Kim pulled when she took a mouthful of it herself? Brilliant! She's now calling Lauren Laurel too (as well as Janine Janice). Was it the writers or Kim who dreamed that one up? Either way, I love it.
Speaking of luurve … Zainab's got so much pent-up passion, if/when she gives in to Yusef it'll need to be broadcast after the watershed. The woman's smouldering like a volcano ready to erupt, and the week's ended with the pair of them alone in the house, with his creepy arms around her. Quick; cover your eyes!
She's kept a lid on it so far by taking out her frustrations in another way: bossing everybody around. 'Get off my wall," she snapped at Darren, and treated Tamwar like a six-year-old – even on his wedding day!
If the trauma of it all ever turned Tam gay, they need look no further than Michael as a partner for him (and at the rate Michael's going through the women on the Square, he'll have to be moving on to the men before long anyway). Ooh, they'd look a right pair of bobby-dazzlers, both in their shirts with the top buttons done up!
What about the creepy Doctor's scruffy cousin in the sheet at the end? He reminded me of O'Reilly the builder from Fawlty Towers, and the song 'Ebony and Ivory' sprung to mind when I saw them stood there next to each other!
I love the clothes they're dressing Rainie in. It makes me want to go out and buy a jacket like the one she had on this week, which (if you've read my blogs before), you'll know is a huge thing, as the only time fashion and I are ever mentioned in the same sentence is … actually, there's never been a time. CLICK HERE TO GO TO EASTENDERS HOMEPAGE