Soap-y Corner 15th May


Hairy David falling into Amy's trap

"Eey, hairy David."

If there was a “Jumping to the wrong conclusion” event in the Olympics, the Soaps would be vying for the Gold medal.  Clear winners this week are Emmerdale though, with everyone believing Amy over Hairy David.  I wouldn’t mind, but it’ll have only been about five minutes since someone would have been saying exactly the same about them!

Haven’t Genni and her wardrobe had a glamorous make-over since her ‘crush on Nik’ storyline started?  I’d be pleased if I were her.  I’d love someone to dress me up and give me a make-over like that.  Might help me nab a love interest, although it hasn’t worked for Genni yet – but I stand by my declaration that she’ll get her man in the end.

Chas is SO not his type, and she agrees.  “I’ve seen labradors with more bite,” she stated this week, before heading off on another date (not realising that Genni’s in luuurve with him).

I’d thought my hopes were dashed when Jackson survived the parachute jump – and that he’d discover a new zest for life – but I needn’t have worried.  He was soon back to his suicidal self. Never mind him; it’s Hazel I’m interested in.  When he’s wheeled away for the last time, what’s going to happen to her?  I don’t want her to leave; I want her to get together with Bob.  They are a match made in heaven, and a perfect replacement for the sadly-missed Viv when it comes to dishing out the witty/wicked one-liners.

I don’t want to read the spoilers to see if she’s staying/going, but Emmerdale needs a sharp, older comedy actress, and they don’t come much better than Pauline Quirke.

Aaron: “I didn’t want black pudding; it’s ‘anging.” Emmerdale's Hazel - Jane Reynolds on why she must stay

Hazel (looking at him blankly): “Yeah.  Whatever that means …” and

Hazel: “Right; so who’s for Castle Howard?”

Aaron: “What’s that?”

Hazel: “It’s a Castle.  The clue’s in the title.”  Great writing and even better delivery!

Isn’t Aaron playing a good part?  He just gets better and better, but I’m not sure about that ‘trakkie bottoms tucked into army boots’ look.  Is that fashion?  See: I need a make-over, a make-under  or even a ‘make-an-effort’ just for starters, and someone else who needs help (or am I just too old to appreciate it?), is Alex. That hairless look makes me uncomfortable.  Hairy David’s got loads.  If he loses his job on the Council he can sell his hair to Paddy and Alex.  Should keep him in beer at least.

Should have gone to Specsavers - Jane Reynolds talks about Ben - again!

'Ard as soup

Someone else who needs a make-over is Ben in EastEnders.  He really does look like a guinea pig, doesn’t he?  It’s the glasses (not that guinea pigs wear glasses, obviously).  The old Ben was really believable as a Billy Elliot wannabe, but this one’s SO not, and when Phil mentioned his dancing this week, I thought it was about as likely that lad would slip on a pair of ballet shoes as Heather would be named ‘Slimmer of the Year’.

I love Shirley, but wasn’t she mean to poor little Abi?  There was no need for that.  They’re all mean to Rainie too, but she couldn’t give a monkey’s, and just carries on regardless.  I hope she stays; she makes me laugh, and – boy – does EastEnders need all the laughs it can get.  It’s way behind Corrie and Emmerdale on the one-liner front, but it does have that pair of ‘naughty schoolgirls’ Tanya and Jane, which compensate (for me, anyway!), and Kim, who only has to strut into a room to have me smiling – let-alone actually say anything! That girl is ‘Out there’.

What’s wrong with Mas?  He and Jane are SO meant for each other, but he’s Match made in 'eaven. Jane Reynolds on why Jane & Mas need to go for it!standing by Zee.  Pity he couldn’t stand by Syed too, seeing as he’s so big on morals …

Zainab SO wants to get with the creepy Doctor too (would you trust a man who wore nothing but black and grey?), and he SO wants to be with her.  Oh, these Soaps; they do frustrate us sometimes, don’t they!

Have you noticed how – whenever someone’s gone/going missing/gone off the rails in a Soap – their faairmly always just happen to have a photo of them (that looks as if it was taken yesterday) sat there in a lovely frame, and within easy reach?  In the ‘real’ world, most of us have our photos backing-up on mobiles/computers, and rarely manage to get as far as looking at them, let-alone making the effort to print one off (or is that just me?).

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