Wet stuff falls from sky …

* 9th May This site is under revision ‘As we speak’, so it may look a bit odd, but please bear with it! *

It’s felt like years since the last time, hasn’t it?  It rained here in Swindon, but hardly enough to float a rubber duck really.  Noah’s having to diversify, but I’ve just heard he’s managed to land a contract to supply 5,000 miniature wooden arks for the Early Learning Centre, so it’s not all bad.

Another week’s flown by, and it’s a sobering thought that we’re only a few weeks away from the longest day (21st June), and for Andy Murray to be knocked out in the Quarter Finals at Wimbledon.  I deliberately keep away from Politics in this blog, but I can’t help but mention Nick Clegg today.  Goodness me.  If ever you need to see an example of ‘Hero to Zero’, look no further than this man.

What do Bin Laden & Nick Clegg have in common?  They’re both dead in the water.” Thanks to Twitter’s sqeekyjojo for that.

TV Times

My fingers are hovering over the keys ready for The Apprentice starting on Tuesday.  I can’t wait!  It’s different this time apparently, in that the winner gets a £250,000 investment for their business and Lord Alan as a partner. My first report will be here next week.  http://bbc.in/llfmZm

Since MasterChef ended, I’ve had a chance to catch up on some other programmes I’d recorded but not got round to watching.  The second Series of  So You Think You Can Dance is one of them.  With the aid of a Fast Fwd button, you can get through it in about 20 minutes (as most of it’s clapping and recapping!).

Now, I’m no dancer.  I have trouble even walking without tripping over most of the time, and it wears me out just watching this show, but the reason I watch is that the people on here are genuinely talented, and only the best ones get through each week – unlike shows like X Factor, BGT etc, where it’s usually the cutest – or the one with the best sob story that get voted for.  So You Think You Can Dance BBC1 Saturdays. http://bbc.in/iBZjd6

The other thing I’ve finally got round to is Britain’s Next Big Thing with Theo Paphitis.  A cross between The Apprentice and Dragon’s Den, it gives unknown designers a chance to pitch to top retailers, and follows their progress as they hope to see their dreams become reality.

Theo’s great in this.  He’s always entertaining on Dragon’s Den, and provides an interesting commentary, tips and support for the hopefuls along the way. He’s also genuinely pleased for them and comes across as a thoroughly nice guy.  It’s still on, and is getting to the crunch stage now, so who will succeed? Britain’s Next Big Thing BBC2 8.00 Tuesdays.  http://bbc.in/mwXMFY

Here.  Theo and Greg Wallace.  They could have a whole new career ahead as the brothers in a new EastEnders family!

I’ve just realised something.  MasterChef, The Apprentice, X Factor, Dragon’s Den, Michel Roux’s Service etc, are the top shows on TV, but all have an identical theme … giving ordinary people the chance of a lifetime.  It’s clearly a winning formula, so wouldn’t it be great if someone were to do the same for unknown writers hoping to get their debut novels picked up by a top Publishing House?  Hmm.  Just a thought …

Comedy Corner

(The Corner formerly known as Joke of the Week.)  If you like corny one-liners a la Tim Vine, then you’ll probably like Tony Cowards.  Here’s an example of his stuff:

“My idea for self-adhesive wallpaper failed, I couldn’t get the backing.”

“My grandfather had an iron will, which was unusual as most people write theirs on paper.”

Boom, boom. There’s loads more on his Twitter page: TonyCowards if that’s whetted your appetite.  I have no connection to Tony by the way.  He hasn’t paid me a penny, and just to prove it, here’s a few more things that made me titter on Twitter this week:

BillyHarpin “Let’s be honest. Man U stand absolutely no chance against Barca unless Messi breaks his legs. Cue Paul Scholes …”

fleetstreetfox “I have no idea how to vote in the AV referendum. If only there were some minor celebrity on twitter who could explain it to me …”

And there’s two from thewritertype “If the royal wedding had been conducted on the AV system we would have seen much more of Pippa Middleton’s a**e.”

“Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day. But at least serve a decent Chablis with it and show a bit of class.”

Ok, as promised on Tuesday too (as I’m sure hundreds of you remember the tweet and have come on here looking for it specially), it’s this from Lucy Porter (Twitter loonabimberton) on the hilarious BBC Radio4 Comedy Series ‘Act Your Age.’

“I love my huband.  (I don’t.)  My husband complained recently that I’ve been putting on weight.  I’ve explained to him that I have put on weight since I got married, because when I was single I used to come home, look in the fridge and go straight to bed … whereas now, I come home, look in the bed and go straight to the fridge!” Ooh, how good is that?


It was a full two minutes in before we got a mention of … you’ve guessed it, Gardener’s Question Time!  “Here we go again,” I thought, but it was a false alarm thankfully.

Oh, I wanted to be in Monte Carlo (or was it Monarco?) drinking fizz on a balcony like Kenton and Jolene, instead of ploughing through a mountain of ironing, although I did have a good view.*

Have you noticed how soap ‘baddies’ always call their mum ‘Ma’?  That James is a wrong ‘un, but I didn’t expect Leonie to be his surprise for Lillian this time.  Knowing him though, there’ll be more to this than meets the eye.  Oh, yes.

Still don’t know who I want to metaphorically ‘smack’ more: Cathy or Jamie.  Both need to learn a lesson.  Her – how to not come across as so desperate and needy (I speak as an expert in this field!), and him – how to grow up and realise that the world doesn’t revolve around him.  Ok, he’s a teenager, but that’s no excuse, and what’s Wiww-yum’s?

At least Jamie’s got hormones on his side.  Wiww-yum’s just a big baby.  No wonder Nic wasn’t over the moon at his suggestion to have a baby together.  He’s no more than a sulky, overgrown teenager himself.  I’d be running like the clappers towards Lakey Hill and over the other side if I was her. http://bbc.in/lLKg5J

Soap-y Corner

My heart leapt when Jackson went to Whitby and started going on about flying.  Right up to the top of the cliff, that’ll do it love.  Just leave his brakes off and give him a little push. That’s it; there you go.  It’s what he would have wanted.  Ey?  Parachuting?  Oh … We never even got to see their visit to the Magpie Cafe either. http://bit.ly/j55Y32

Back in the village: er Hairy David?  Giving Amy a necklace and putting it on for her? Hello?  You do realise what she’s like under all that make up, don’t you?  … Well, you certainly do now.  How naive?  Amy was right though; it certainly looked like flirting. Mind you, if Marlon’s dog came along and licked her hand, she’d take it as a ‘come on’.

Poor old Gennie.  There she is – besotted with Emmerdale’s latest bed-hopper Nikhil, but he’s cavorting about with none other than Chas Dingle, that shy, demure spinster (!)  My advice? You hang in there girl.  Laurel got Ashley in the end, and we all know Nik’s really looking for luurve, so my money’s on you Gennie.  Aah, you’ll make a lovely couple.

On a serious note though: I found it stomach-churning to watch Lisa in Court. Emmerdale is acting, but I (like some of you reading this probably), have had people literally stand up and tell bare-faced lies about me – and be believed.  It’s not a bundle of laughs.

For Lisa to have her own husband not really believe that she was raped must be almost unimaginable, and you can see the pain of that in her brilliant performance.  Isn’t Belle playing a good part (and doesn’t she look like her mum and dad!)? http://bit.ly/k4arzZ

More comedy gold in EastEnders this week … not.  Dot’s broken arm’s a real pain – to me.  Yawn. ‘Bring back Kim,’ that’s what I say.  I love it when she calls Janine Janice!

Soap actors are – mostly – fantastic, but the one thing they never manage to do properly is drink from a mug.  Firstly; the mugs are always empty (which is obvious from the way they wave them around, as if you did that with a real mug of coffee, you’d be clearing up for a week!), and secondly; they take a big gulp … but don’t swallow!

It’s different with alchohol as it’s in a glass – so they have to put something in it, and the character usually takes a swig, but it’s SO apparent when they’re drinking from an empty mug, and it just looks daft.  There was a lot of that this week, as everyone spent most of their time going round trying to sober Jack up.  Thank goodness baby Tommy was there for us to coo over.  Cuter than ever!

The other thing with mugs – while I’m on the subject – is the way a character hands a mug of ‘hot’ coffee/tea to someone, who always grabs hold of it and takes a gulp straight away.  Er, in real life, if you grabbed hold of a hot mug you’d burn your hand, and if you took a big gulp you’d burn your gizzard.  Just saying …

The best bit of EastEnders for me this week (apart from seeing Tanya getting out of the taxi), was this:

Julie: ‘Heather’s meeting Kev.  It’s like a film.”

Shirley: “What.  An ‘orror film?” BBC http://bbc.in/jB1cgY

Corrie Corner

(The following also appears as my blogpost on both the ‘Coronation Street Blog’ and ‘Corrie Countdown‘ websites this week.)

Shock, horror: “Child goes missing at seaside.”  Never saw that one coming, did we?  There’s never been a single child in the history of Soaps that hasn’t gone missing the second it’s let out of its bedroom, has there?

Have you noticed too, how Soaps sneak supposedly ‘meaningful’ songs into the background of scenes?  EastEnders do it a lot, and when Steve and Tracy were talking in front of the roundabout, Cheryl Cole’s ‘Fight for this love’ was playing. I’m sorry, but it’s not big, and it’s not clever.

And what about that Policewoman?  Good acting?  The Police car did a better job.  All that most people need in life is a lucky break, and jobbing actors would kill to land themselves a speaking part in a Soap (no matter how small), as – done well – those few lines could mark the beginning of a brilliant career, but it amazes me as to how awful most of them usually are (Solicitors generally being the worst, as they couldn’t convince us night follows day, let-alone that they’d ever had an acting lesson!).

I prefer to watch the Saturday Omnibus (ideally with a bowl of pasta and some nice red wine), but occasionally that can have a downside – like this week, where it turned into the Tracy Barlow show, and after two-plus hours of seeing that trademark smirk at the end of every scene I was both bored and irritated.

There’s only so much deceit we viewers can take at one time, and the Corrie writers usually give us exactly the right dose, but this week was overkill, and I really felt for poor Becky as her life started to truly unravel right in front of her eyes.  As usual, gormless Steve played right into Tracy’s hands, and it was Becky who ended up coming across as the bad guy.

It’s hard for me to watch (as this is the sort of thing that happens to me on a regular basis!), and I really feel so desperately sorry for Becky (as she’s trying so hard to do the right thing), but the more she tries to defend herself, the worse we know it’s going to get for her.

Wasn’t that a wonderful moment when Becky said ‘Tower’ though?  Steve’s face as the penny dropped: classic!  He’s such a great actor, and the fact you just want to throttle him for not realising what Tracy’s up to is proof of that!  I was a bit surprised in the scene in the Cab office where he said he was like “One of those blokes that spin plates on sticks.”  I’m sorry, but it didn’t look quite like that was what his hands were doing as he demonstrated …

The transexual storyline’s coming along.  One of them was the spit of Woman’s Hour’s Jenni Murray, wasn’t she?  Marc and Claudia make me laugh.  They both talk as if they’ve borrowed someone else’s false teeth.  It’s like listening to the snake from Jungle Book!

As usual though, there were lots of laughs along the way.  The tedium of the missing Motorhome was countered by the acting from that great double-act Norris and Mary.  They – and Roy’s mother Sylvia – kept the comedy levels up this week (as well as Lloyd’s hair, which even ‘trended’ on Twitter!), with such gems as “I’m not going there; it’s full of people called Nellie.”

Kylie had a couple of great one-liners in the Kabin, but my Grin of the Week is:

Hayley (to Sylvia): “Perhaps we can have a chat tonight?”

Roy (looking at Hayley in astonishment): “Er, Life cycle of the Anaconda?” (his TV prog)

Hayley (realising): “Ooh, yes.  He can’t be budged when that’s on.”

PS Nice to see Sophie & Sian back this week, but why is it that every lad Sian even looks at starts coming on to her?  Gets a bit wearing. http://bit.ly/jjD5yR

Foodie Corner

Just a quick one.  Foodie Corner’s going to be making a proper comeback soon, but in the meantime, check this out.  There’s some lovely photos on it, but if you scroll down, you’ll find a peanut butter cookie recipe.  It has three ingredients.  Yes, three ingredients, and the cookies look delicious! http://bit.ly/me0Ydv Twitter Rosemary Beck contentcottage

Quote of the Week

“Some people dream of success, while others wake up and work hard at it.” Thanks to Twitter’s JudyGrundstrom for that.


If you like reading/learning new Social Media stuff, here’s a great site/blog I found yesterday.  It’s called Hubze. http://bit.ly/dZdRJA

I’ve got to show you this.  Whether you love iPhones or hate iPhones, you’ll love this short video. Which one would you be – the guy on the left or the right?  http://bit.ly/lsEfAn

Any Other Business

If you’re new to my blog this week, let me just explain that it’s undergoing a period of change/development.  Unfortunately, as there’s not enough hours in the day, it’s not actually ‘looking’ any different as yet.  It’s all about building good foundations.  There are changes going on behind the scenes, but it’ll be a couple of weeks yet before anything looks any different.

If you’re new to my blog/site/Twitter, then can I just also explain that my week goes like this: Thursday – Monday is mostly spent sat in my office (for anything up to 14 hours at a stretch) working at trying to publicise my book, doing my blog and, ooh, just a little bit of tweeting!

* Tuesday and Wednesday are spent at my two cleaning/ironing jobs.  They’re long days, and I’m out of contact for most of that time – which is why you don’t get many tweets from me on those days. Wednesday’s at a semi-rural property, with a menagerie of cheeky children, Harvey the Labrador, the rabbit (no idea what he’s called), and my favourite feathered friends duck and chook (chook is what they call a chicken in Australia, which I learnt that from the wonderful Kath & Kim Australian Comedy Series).  Here they all are in a very short video.  Cute or what? IMG_0463

Don’t forget, my debut novel “Just Good Friends?” follows the lives of wealthy South London families embroiled in a series of affairs, the most surprising of which being yummy mummy Ruth and Helen’s, as – after sharing a drunken kiss – their close friendship turns into something deeper and threatens to destroy Ruth’s seemingly strong marriage.  Available from Amazon, Kindle or directly from the Home page of this site as a paperback or ebook.  Thanks for reading.  Have a good week.

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