Emmerdale-y – 2nd December 2012

ou can hear me talking Soaps 10.45-11.15 am on Thursdays, 4.00-5.00 pm Fridays (Swindon 1055.com CLICK HERE TO LISTEN), and on my LIVE internet Soap Show 6.00-6.30 pm every Wednesday on Tellyspy. CLICK HERE TO LISTEN.)

Katie’s heart was pounding (after they jump-started her); Charity’s making my heart pound (with fury – for a change), and is Brett the Vet’s heart set on romance with Rhona?

There’s so much ‘gone on’ this week I hardly know where to start. Let’s start with Katie.

It was lucky for her (and for us: I was starting to lose the will) that Sam and Zak had gone walkabout as those Rescue workers seemed to do little more than stand around chatting. Lucky she had her mobile with her too. It appeared to have been three days (and nights) before the battery finally ran out – AND she had a Torch App on the whole time.

Blimey. That’s one hell of a phone. What on earth was it: a new Dura-cell-phone or something, because I could really do with one that’s got a battery which lasts for more than a couple of hours.

As all this was going on, Declan was behaving like a total, utter prat. Talk about ‘Me, me, me’. All he needed was a crown of thorns. If he’d seen Edna’s medal he’d have probably nailed himself to it. Declan should just think himself lucky that it wasn’t HIM down that hole or people might not have been so keen to help.

It’s a shame that Katie didn’t tell him it was over though. Surely after a near-death experience like that you’d realise that life was too short to be married to a cold, selfish pig, wouldn’t you?

Oh well. There’s nowt so queer as folk. Let’s just hope he gets his act together now, or she’ll be after half his assets in the divorce.

Nicola needs to work on her personnel skills

Megan (The Smile) came back. How’s she been managing for money? Didn’t she leave without a penny to her name after Declan and Katie shafted her?

Anyway, never mind all that; she’s back and I love her, so let’s hope Deccers’ new regime includes giving her a proper job/partnership and some money – especially if she manages to get the client back after Nico told him to shove a ring binder where the sun didn’t shine.

Seriously: would a real PA/Secretary/Estate Manager (or whatever Nicola’s job title’s meant to be) EVER speak to a customer like that? The Smile should have given her ‘what for’ in Declan’s absence for gross misconduct – at the very least.

And she’s not the only one …

I don’t like to see people being rude for no reason, and that brings me on to Charity. She really went too far this week and I can’t believe that Jimmy not only stood for it BUT was also complicit in fiddling the drivers’ time sheets.

Charity’s like Cain: Angel and Devil in equal parts, and it was ‘Nice Charity’ who turned up at Zak and Lisa’s and asked sweetly, “Please can I have my tea with you, please?”

Like Gennie said to Rodders though: “What she wants, she gets. That is the first and last thing you learn about her.”

It’s true. Charity always seems to get her own way. I don’t agree with it, but I know I’d give in to her too as she’s just so very hard to resist …

Break it to her gently, Paddy

Paddy and Marlon couldn’t resist each other any longer, and the scene where Paddy told Rhona that they’d been ‘Seeing each other’ was well written, very funny, and beautifully acted by all three of them. Have you noticed how Rhona’s getting funnier by the week?

She’s got pointy disease though and was pointing at Marlon this week. She really is turning into a right harridan of a wife to Paddy, isn’t she … unlike the way she acts towards Brett the Vet.

Is something going to happen between those two? She’s like a lovesick teenager around him, and he keeps giving her ‘the look’. What’s he thinking? Will they have an affair? Hmm. Lots of possibilities there.

I’d speculated last week that we’d probably be seeing Bernice’s fella Steve before long and – sure enough – I’ve read this week that he’s on his way to the village. That’ll get the fur flying.

Cain gets a BIG Birthday present

After a couple of weeks of anticipation, Cain and Moira finally flew at each other again on Friday. Now that’s what you call a birthday present!

She’s definitely got the measure of him. “This tough guy act doesn’t cut it with me,” she told him bluntly, before he shoved her up-against the wall (again!). I SO want these two to have a ‘proper’ relationship. There’d be such a lot of mileage in it – storyline-wise.

I’d mentioned that I’d like Gennie to get the job at the factory, and was very pleased to see her persuade Nikhil to give her an interview. She’d be perfect for it – unlike Misery Ali. For goodness sake, don’t give it to her; her ‘people skills’ are right up there alongside Charity and Cain’s.

It would be much better if she didn’t get it and turned to Dan for solace. She could make a pass at him and he could knock her back – or not (either would make a good storyline!).

It won’t just be Tootsie eating dog food before long

Charity’s seen to it that Edna’s now jobless (and soon to be penniless too, after Tootsie’s operation). I understand how people love their pets so much that they’d spend a fortune to make them better, but Tootsie’s an old dog, and to put her through a major operation AND chemotherapy is perhaps not in the poor little pooch’s interests, but more out of Edna’s (or any owner’s) failure to think objectively over what’s best for the pet in the long run.

I get a feeling we’re going to be needing the tissues in the run up to Christmas – having seen Edna sat there in the cold with a blanket wrapped round her to save on the heating. They say people look like their dogs, and I reckon they’re right!

Not too many laughs (apart from Declan acting like a martyr and Rhona telling Brett that Paddy was having a ‘mid-life catastrophe’), but here’s our Grins of The Week:

Brenda (to Laurel about Rhona): “Stressed … prolapse. Not her … must have been a pig.”

Edna: “Can I have a word?”

Charity: “Oooh … I’d rather you didn’t.”

Rhona (to Brett – about to do Tootsie’s op): “You carve.”

Val (to Kerry about Amy): “Before you staggered back into her life we were doing just fine.”

Alex (to Cain): “What age was it that you became dead boring? Could you just let me know so as I can top meself.”


* That report of Edna’s which Charity deleted could have easily been recovered, couldn’t it?

* Looks like Belle’s finally turning into a teenager. Bring on the hormones and the tantrums! Belle’s barely been on our screens for ages now. She’s such a great young actress; it’s nice to see her again.

* Moira: please stop slapping boxes of raw meat products onto the bar. Deliveries of food should be round the back/into the kitchen.

* Rhona’s pointy disease is getting worse. She was even pointing at herself this week.


Got a comment? Why not add one below or tweet me before Wednesday afternoon (@janereynolds8) so that I can talk about it on ‘Jane’s Soapy Corners’ live on Tellyspy at 6.00 on Wednesday nights.

* I’m pleased to say that the writers’ names haven’t been hidden by the subtitles for the last couple of weeks. Coincidence, or did someone read my comments and ‘sort it’? (If someone’s got it fixed, then thank you. Could you fix it for the subtitles not to cover the time on the weather forecasts too? Why on earth both the BBC and ITV don’t just put the day/time at the top right hand corner of the screen is completely beyond me!)

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