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Congratulations to Jacqueline Jossa for winning Best Newcomer at the NTAs this week. She’s had a lot to contend with (as Lauren), over the past year (not that I have any experience in that area), and I imagine that her part’s probably very well-written, and that many teenagers are able to really relate to her.
Ok. It would have been funny (if it hadn’t been so completely far-fetched as to – almost – leave me speechless), for Jane to get a bit of practise for her (second-in-command to the Head Chef), job at a 60-cover, open-kitchen Bistro in beautiful Cardiff Bay (despite having NO experience whatsoever in a commercial kitchen), at Ian’s.
Mind you, she must be good, because in only fifteen minutes she managed to produce (from scratch; without any ingredients, and without having done ANY prep beforehand), four completely different starters and mains; have a spotless kitchen at the end of it, and have almost the same amount of food left on the worktop as when she started. Now, that’s impressive.
It sounds like a great job too, and it’s even Monday to Friday only, apparently (unheard of in a real Restaurant), as how else would she be able to promise Bobby she’d have him to stay every weekend? Ok, I know Soaps aren’t real, but there’s real, and … really stupid. Why, oh why did you write such an unrealistic exit for her? Like I said last week: surely you could have come up with something a bit more credible?
Rant over. We all knew Tanya would run out at the end and they’d make up, but it’s still so very sad that their friendship is over. There were a lot of “I love you’s,” going on between them this week, and it would have made a fantastic storyline for them to have grown even closer through Tanya’s cancer treatment and found that their feelings for each other went rather deeper* than they’d realised, and for Jane to have had to leave because she really DID love her (a bit like David did a couple of weeks ago). Now, that would have been a great exit story!
I’ve loved Jane (great name!), and am very sad to see her go. Luckily, it’s been a laugh a minute this week, so that helped take my mind off it – and off the whole ‘Cut-price Corleones’ Walford Mafia thing that’s starting up with Derek and Phil (yawn).
You’d think that Phil would have done a Zak Dingle and had Ben’s legs (and hopefully those horrible glasses), broken at the very least, but they’re trying to get him back onside now, so that they can persuade him to change his statement. You’d think one of Shirley’s ‘death stares’ alone would be enough to make him sign a retraction!
It was Jane’s farewell party. At a party you play happy songs don’t you, but what did we get? The Bangles’ #Eternal Flame suddenly came on (at the exact moment she was saying her poignant goodbyes). Talk about a classic case of Appropriate/Inappropriate Music in the Background!
For the second week running, we’ve had some proper humour. Last week it was Jake Riddell, and this week it was Matt Evans providing us with so many one-liners on Thursday I hardly know which to choose! Has someone finally twigged that they come last in my ‘Grins of the week’ every week, and decided to so something about it? Whatever it is; more please!
The scenes where Anthony came to lunch were splendid. Zainab’s so funny when she’s being funny, and Afia’s line to Anthony: “You should take a course,” made me laugh out loud, and as for Kim: where do I start?
She had a real chance to shine this week. That girl needs her own show; she’s comedy gold. The way she spoke to Bianca: “I know it can’t be easy since Ricky left, but do yourself a favour: have some dignity.”
Her facial expressions alone are enough to make you laugh (and that’s before she even says a word), but when she called Sasha Sarah, it was ace (like when she calls Janine Janice), and her body language when Bianca told her Morgan was riddled with worms (“Follow me, yeah. Not too close,”), priceless!
So, let’s have a brilliant EastEnders’ Grins of the week:
Morgan (to Ray): “Are you going to be Ricky?”
Derek: “Oh, have a look. It’s Charlie’s Angels.”
Mandy: “I’ll pick you up at the school gates at 4.00, ok?”
Bobby: “3.15.”
Mandy: “Since when?”
Bobby: “Since always.”
Lauren: “So, this is it then? You kill yourself to pay for a mortgage and then you die?”
Max: “Yeah. That’s it, yeah.”
Kim (to Sasha): “We’re like sisters, innit?”
Ray: “Hope they like fish?”
Bianca: “Oh yeah. It’s their favourite (!)”
Tanya (to Lauren): “This is a people business. You cannot go around calling the people baboons.”
Zainab: “Come in Tyler.”
Anthony: “It’s Anthony.”
Zainab: “Are you sure?”
Ray: “Are you the landlord?”
Patrick: “No man. I’m just the glamorous assistant.”
Anthony: “Ludo, aye?”
Masood: “It’s a Pakistani thing (!)”
Sasha: “I like blood; reading about murders.”
Kim: “Oh. You should have met Dee’s ex-husband … “
PS I reckon there’s not a woman alive who couldn’t relate to Jane’s comment, “I don’t know why I bother trying. I’m just going to sit here; eat this entire tray of sticky toffee pudding (insert binge food of choice here!), go home and have a good cry.” Sounds like a plan!
PS Amira said it made a change to have lunch instead of spending the whole day wiping up sick. I’d get that baby looked at if I were you, and where were Yasmin and Kamil when they were having lunch, anyway?
PS Why does Ben keep meeting Marsden in a car in broad daylight right by the Square? They might as well meet in the Vic, they’re that obvious!
PS It’s a shame that Bianca, Tiffany and Morgan looked at Ray’s ‘real’ food (fish, salad and couscous), as if it were poison, yet get excited over chicken nuggets – which are as good as poison.
* If you think that would have been a great storyline, you’ll LOVE my novel “Just Good Friends?” as it tells the story of close, married neighbours Ruth and Helen, whose close friendship crosses that line and blows their worlds apart. Just CLICK HERE to buy it on Amazon/Kindle (and thank you SO much if you do; I really appreciate it).
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