Queen Vic Corner – 7th August 2011

Roxy was on the ‘Road to nowhere’ again this week, as she got drunk and decided to shack up with Tyler for the night. ‘This ain’t the way to have fun’ was on the jukebox as she staggered out of the Vic. You can say that again love.

“When I came here I was a glamorous babe,” she wailed. That’s exactly what I was saying about her last week, but she needs to face it: there’s ‘younger models’ on the scene now.

Mind you, Tanya just seems to get hotter and more sexy as the weeks go on. That affair’s certainly bringing it out of her. For someone trying to woo his wife, Greg sitting there having his dinner in his vest was hardly a turn-on for her though. Nor was the sight of Max stood at that window with a fag in his mouth. Gross, in fact.

I reckon we should watch those Moon brothers Antony and Tyler. I don’t know about Syed and Christian; those two have got their arms around each other so often I’m starting to get a bit worried about them!

The Moon’s dodgy bric-a-brack – sorry, Antiques – business is providing a few convenient opportunities for fleecing the locals (mostly Ian so far, who was looking for an Urn). Amazingly, Eddie found one. Who’d have thought it, aye?

Ian (taking the lid off): “Hang on, it’s empty.”

Eddie: “People don’t tend to give them away when there’s ashes inside.”

I laughed out loud at the lettering ‘J.A.N.E.’ Ian stuck on it though – in paper. WHAT a cheapskate! I’m just waiting for Jane to walk in (as she presumably will if Soap history’s anything to go by)!

The ‘meaningful’ music was at it again as Cheryl kissed him: Dusty Springfield’s ‘The look of love’. I’ve got to admit; I get really irritated by this, but I’m goint to choose to ‘Embrace’ it and start a new little game where I deliberately listen-out to see ‘What’s playing in the Vic this week.’ Hope you’ll enjoy playing-along. Hours of endless fun for all the family!

There wasn’t much love going on in the Mitchell household this week.

“I love you,” Billy told Lola. ‘I don’t love you,” she replied. Aah, isn’t that touching?

She didn’t love Julie either, but she’s gone now. I’m not sorry. Julie never seemed to be happy with Billy. Not sure why she botherered really. Skidmark? I’ll be glad to never have to hear that again!

Now: is it better to be with someone you’re not in love with or be on your own? Poor Janine. All that money but no-one to love. I felt a bit sorry for her, especially when Phil was so horrible to her. He was horrible to everyone this week though. He really is a nasty piece of work.

It turned my stomach to see Billy grovelling to him and for Phil to just humiliate him like that. I hope Janine does get all his businesses off him – pig – although I did laugh when he told her, “Make sure you’re gone by the end of the day, then I won’t have to break your legs.”

More happy families round at the Masoods. You’d have thought it was the Creepy Doctor’s house to see him welcoming Masood in. He’s got a cunning plan. You can see it in his creepy eyes.

A few bottles of wine’s what they need. Works with my family, although Syed announcing “Christian and I are engaged,” in the middle of it probably didn’t help. (What sort of a haircut was that, by the way?)

Max doesn’t have to worry about getting a dodgy cut. “You don’t hear me complaining coz you got all the hair do you?” he reminded Jack. Old ‘Dumb and dumber’ were slagging Rainie off in the salon. They said she looked a mess. Au contraire. She looks far too polished, well-dressed and healthy for someone who’s supposed to have no job, no home and no money. I’m not complaining though. I’m just so glad to see her having a bigger part.

Tanya told her off for trying to help. “You just carry on reading your book,” she snapped.

“It’s not a book; it’s the Bible,” Rainie corrected her.

Tanya (not interested): “Yeah, whatever.”

It was great to get Kat and Alfie back. There’s always some cracking lines when they’re on-screen.

Alfie (to Shenice): “You look beautiful.” (Whispers to Kat): “It’s a little tarty, innit?”